


It Started With A Kiss

by beatboxbmo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Coffee shop meeting, Cussing, M/M, Multi, anxiety attack, bickering?, doctor oikawa, iwasuga, oisuga, protective friends, reconciliation kind of, sexual mentions, sorta platonic oidai, start of platonic iwaoi, talk of cheating, this is a real heartbreaker apparently, v v v subtle iwadai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-03-24 19:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3781516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatboxbmo/pseuds/beatboxbmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year of Suga lying and sneaking around, and it's all about to catch up with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the cheating au no one asked for or maybe even wanted :^) we'll see how all this goes bc I am just as interested in this as u all hopefully r :')

The red blemish is so bright Suga wonders if God could see it. 

“Hajime! You gave me another hickey; I told you no!” 

There’s a snort from the other room followed by a muffled voice. “What am I, a dog? Besides, they look pretty on your skin.” 

Despite himself, Suga blushes. He lowers his hands from his neck and sighs. “Yeah, well, flattery won’t make up for the fact that my boyfriend is definitely gonna see this one.”

“You could wear a scarf to cover it up? Besides, you two haven’t had sex in like, what? Two months? He won’t notice it.” 

“I wish I could share your nonchalance, but the last time I came home covered in hickeys, he noticed right away and almost _cried_ , thinking I’d been beaten up. I had to tell him it was a weird rash.” 

“Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot.” 

Iwaizumi enters the bathroom and stands behind Suga, looking at himself in the mirror while he adjusts his tie. 

“He’s just… innocent.” 

“That’s not the word I would use.” 

Suga smiles and hits Iwaizumi on the shoulder. He leaves the bathroom and searches the bedroom floor for the rest of his clothes. When he finds his shirt, he sighs and shakes his head. Some of the buttons have been ripped off. 

“You owe me a new shirt,” Suga calls. He pulls on his pants and socks, throws the shirt onto the bed, and goes to pull one of Iwaizumi’s shirts out of the closet. The shirt hangs a little on him, but it’s comfortable and not exaggerated, unlike when he wears his boyfriend’s clothes. 

“Add it to my tab.” 

Iwaizumi breezes into the room then, his hair gelled and black suit immaculate. He grabs his keys, wallet, and phone from the nightstand and tucks them into his pockets. When he sees Suga standing there in his shirt, he pauses, sucking in a breath. He contemplates being late for work or skipping all together, but then he shakes his head. He can’t miss any more days. 

“Koushi Sugawara, you are the devil in disguise.” 

Suga feigns innocence and shrugs his shoulders. “I have no idea what you mean.” 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and goes over to Suga, wrapping one arm around the other man’s waist and pulling him in close. Their lips are inches apart, and Iwaizumi knows if he doesn’t let go in the next few seconds, he won’t be going to work. 

Suga’s lips part, ever so slightly, just enough for Iwaizumi to get a glimpse of his tongue. He sucks in a breath and pulls away. 

“You are the devil, Sugawara. But don’t ever change.” Before he can think twice, he pecks Suga on the lips and backs away. He grabs his bag from the end of the bed and turns to leave the room. Suga grabs his arm and pulls him back before he gets too far, and kisses him properly this time. 

“I love you,” Suga whispers against his lips. “Have a good day at work.” 

Iwaizumi gulps as he pulls away. Suga is giving him the crooked smile he loves so much, the one that thins his lips and shows off all his teeth. 

Iwaizumi shakes his head again and finally leaves the room, forcing himself not to look over his shoulder as he exits the apartment, knowing if he looks back, he’ll stay. 

Once the door closes behind Iwaizumi, Suga’s shoulders slump and the smile slips off his face. He grabs the front of his shirt and brings it to his face, breathing in Iwaizumi’s scent. Something musty and minty at the same time. 

He crawls back into bed and keeps the shirt pressed against his face. 

Suga doesn’t want to go home today. This weekend spent with Iwaizumi had been amazing and utterly relaxing, allowing Suga to be more himself. Things with Iwaizumi are easy and enjoyable, and he finds himself smiling more, laughing more, and actually wanting to crawl into bed at night. Leaving this apartment always has Suga’s chest tightening and his feet dragging. 

His boyfriend thinks he’s spending the weekend with his family on a camping trip. 

Suga sighs and curls into a ball. His boyfriend should be home in a few hours from his shift at the hospital, and then he’ll go straight to bed. He may send Suga a “Thinking of you” text or leave him a voice message, but it’ll be slurred and short. 

If Iwaizumi were here, he’d ask Suga why he just doesn’t break it off already. He should have ended it a week after he met Iwaizumi—which was almost over a year ago--but his boyfriend never made it easy. He’s clingy and dependent and affectionate when he’s not exhausted. He still thinks everything is perfect, even though Suga hasn’t touched him in weeks. He lives in his own little bubble that maybe once upon a time Suga was a part of, but that was years ago. 

Before he can delve any further into the dark parts of his thoughts, Suga bolts up and slaps his cheeks. He still has a few things he needs to do today before he goes back home. A little shopping will help get his mind off things, and calling his parents will help give him ideas on what sort of story he can tell his boyfriend later if he asks how camping went. 

_Not like he will though_ , Suga thinks. He hops out of bed and gathers what he needs to head out. He hardly asks Suga how things are anymore, or hardly talks about Suga in general. It’s always about what’s going on at work, which Suga has found out that he really doesn’t care about. He understands most medical lingo and figures he could probably play the part of a nurse if he had to, even though the idea of it upsets his stomach. 

As he leaves the apartment and heads down the stairs, he makes a mental list of what he has to do, but the one at the front of his mind is the idea of buying a new scarf.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say tyssssm to my friend brandie who's been helping me figure things out for this piece and for all her feedback and ideas she's offered like I truly appreciate it, ur a godsend bless u ;-;

The first thing Oikawa sees when he enters the apartment are the bags lining the hall. 

He pauses, wondering if maybe Suga is finally moving out. Panic rises in his throat as he shuts the door and starts searching through the apartment. The lights are off and there’s no smell coming from the kitchen. 

“Kou-chan? Are you home?” The bathroom is empty and so is the guest room. When he stops outside their bedroom door, he sucks in a breath and pushes it open slowly, hoping that all of Suga’s things are still in place. 

Spread out on the bed, snoring without a care in the world and still in his day clothes, is Suga. 

Oikawa’s shoulders slump in a sigh as he drags himself to the bed. He kicks off his shoes and pulls off his scrubs, leaving him in nothing but his boxers. He slides into bed as gently as he can and slowly wraps an arm around Suga’s waist as he positions himself behind his boyfriend. 

Even with the subtle movements, Suga jerks awake. Oikawa loosens his hold while Suga partially sits up, his head jerking around while he comes to. 

Oikawa just stays on his side and his eyes trained on Suga, a small smile on his face. “Sorry I woke you, Kou-chan.” 

Suga focuses blearily on the form beside him, unsure for a moment who it is. He almost calls out to Iwaizumi, but then he sees the brown hair and lopsided half-grin. 

“Tooru—hey,” despite the arm around his waist, Suga sinks back against the mattress, this time facing Oikawa. He’s too tired to care about his boyfriend touching him right now. 

Oikawa’s grin widens a bit when Suga faces him. He hasn’t been this close to his boyfriend in ages. He hasn’t even been able to touch Suga in ages. His eyes get a little misty, but he blinks rapidly so the tears don’t fall. Suga doesn’t smile back at him, but he’s okay with that. 

“Missed you,” he starts. Suga yawns and blinks to keep his eyes open. 

“You too,” he replies. He tries for a smile, but they both know it’s forced. 

Oikawa glances away when he continues. “Work today was awful. There was a car accident that injured like, five people, and all of them were in critical condition—“ 

“Tooru, stop.” Suga’s voice seems louder than usual in the quiet room, but maybe it’s just because Oikawa was whispering. “Can you not talk about work right before we go to sleep?” 

Oikawa nods almost instantly. “Yeah, sure, sorry Kou-chan.” He tries to laugh it off, but the moment is broken. Suga twists under Oikawa’s arm until he’s facing the other way. Unsure of what to do with his arm, Oikawa slides it off of Suga and shoves the hand under his pillow. He stares at the back of Suga’s neck, wondering if they’ll ever be okay again. 

He clears his throat and asks, “How was camping?” 

Suga doesn’t reply right away. Oikawa almost thinks the other has fallen asleep until he shrugs. “It was fine. Got bit by some weird bug, but otherwise, it was okay.” 

“A bug?” 

“Yeah, on my collarbone. But like I said, everything’s okay.” He shrugs again and glances over his shoulder at Oikawa. “We should sleep now.” 

Oikawa nods in agreement and offers a smile, but it disappears as soon as Suga turns away. 

A bug bite on his collarbone, huh. 

Oikawa squeezes his eyes shut and burrows his face into his pillow. He doesn’t need to call Suga’s parents to know he didn’t go camping this weekend. Or last month or three months ago. Or last week, when Suga said he was staying at Sawamura’s house… actually, that might have been true. All of this could be because of Sawamura. Or it could be someone else. 

_Let it be someone else,_ Oikawa thinks. He rolls over so his back is to Suga. _Someone I don’t know, someone I won’t feel guilty over hating._

It takes an hour for him to fall asleep, and when he does, he dreams of Suga leaving him.


	3. Chapter 3

“I think he knows.” 

“Hm?” 

“Or he’s starting to suspect.” 

“Who and what now?” 

Suga pushes himself up so he can see Iwaizumi’s face, his hands cold against Iwaizumi’s bare chest. “My boyfriend. I think he knows I’m cheating on him.” 

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow. “I thought you said he’d never figure it out? He’s too engrossed in himself or something.” 

“Yeah, well,” Suga rests his head back on Iwaizumi’s chest, wraps an arm around his waist, and tightens his leg around Iwaizumi’s hips. “The other night when I came out of the shower he saw the hickey, and the look on his face was just… I don’t know, it just looked like he _knew_.” 

“What’d you tell him it was this time?” 

“A bug bite.” 

Iwaizumi snickers. “A bug bite, huh. Sounds more reasonable then _some weird rash_.” 

Suga hits Iwaizumi’s chest when the other laughs. “This is serious, Hajime." 

"Well, you know my stance on this." 

"I know, I know... telling him just... it was just never the right time. And it's not like I've been overwhelmed from having kept it a secret from you too. You knowing and being okay with it all has been a relief." 

Iwaizumi coughs and tilts his head away. "Uh, I wouldn’t say I'm okay with it." 

"What?" Suga lifts his head and stares at the other male. 

Iwaizumi coughs again and shrugs his shoulders. "It's... really hard to let you go sometimes. Like it physically pains me to watch you walk out that door, and know that you're going home to someone else. Honestly, I hate it." 

Suga's reply comes in a soft whisper. "Why haven't you said anything before?" 

Iwaizumi finally looks at him. "Because I'm an idiot. And I love you. And like the idiot I am I always have this feeling that you'll come back to me." 

Suga's lips twitch, but the look Iwaizumi gives him doesn't have him smiling. 

"Do you still love him?" Iwaizumi asks. 

Now it's Suga's turn to look away. He untangles himself from Iwaizumi and sits up, drawing his knees to his chest. 

"I don't know anymore," he finally says. Iwaizumi can't help but notice how small Suga looks. He curses himself for bringing up this subject. "I want to, but I just--I cant--I don't know." 

"Come here," Iwaizumi whispers. He opens his arms and when Suga turns to look at him, he knows he'll still be an idiot in the morning when Suga leaves, but he's okay with that. 

Suga settles himself back against Iwaizumi, his arms drawn against him. 

"Sorry," Iwaizumi says, and starts to run a hand up and down Suga's back. "I know I'm being pushy about it all." 

Suga shakes his head. "You have the right to be," he mumbles. Then he lifts his head and looks at Iwaizumi. "I'll tell him soon, I swear. I know it's not fair to either of you for me to keep doing this." 

Iwaizumi lifts a hand and brushes a strand of hair away from Suga's face. What a beautiful devil. 

"I'm such a fucking idiot," he whispers. Suga raises a brow. Iwaizumi closes his eyes and shakes his head. When he finally opens them, Suga is staring up at him expectantly. Iwaizumi knows he'll regret saying this. "I'll always be there for you. I love you too much to go anywhere." 

Suga's eyes glisten, and Iwaizumi knows he just dug his grave. 

"I love you too," 

The two lean closer and fall into a sweet kiss and tight embrace. Suga wonders if he can abide by what he promised, and Iwaizumi hopes he can believe in Suga.


	4. Chapter 4

_Maybe he won't show. He probably won't show. He probably most likely will not show._

Iwaizumi sighs into his cup of coffee, the liquid already cold. 

He glances out the window for the umpteenth time, his eyes passing over the faces of strangers. The one he wants to see isn't among them. 

He doesn't even know why he agreed to this meeting. 

It's been years since he's seen his friend. They've talked a few times on the phone, but every time one of them made plans for a meeting, his friend never showed. It just made Iwaizumi angrier and wonder why he even bothered. 

Eight years is a long time to hold a grudge, and honestly Iwaizumi doesn't even remember what they argued over. But they're both too prideful to man up and that pisses him off even more. 

_Stupid, all of it._ If Suga knew, he would be disappointed. If he knew in general about the stress and late nights his friend caused him, he would be disappointed but also understanding. Iwaizumi never had a reason to mention his past relationships, or any sort of lesser detail about his past, so telling Suga one day out of the blue about it all just struck him as odd. Though, thinking about it all now, venting about it to Suga seems like a good idea. 

_If that dick doesn't show this time_ , Iwaizumi thinks, taking a sip of his cold coffee. It tastes disgusting, but he gulps it down anyways. _Then that's it. We're done. Throwing in the towel on that asshole._

He leans back in his chair and laces his fingers behind his head. The sun streaming in from the window is warm, and a nice contrast to the air conditioned café. From here, he has a perfect view of the hospital's emergency entrance. 

Oikawa always picked this café because it was close to work. It was one of the reasons why Iwaizumi agreed to meet him. It was close and chances of Oikawa sneaking over were high. And yet, he always managed to come up with some excuse about why he couldn't make it. 

"Need a refill?" Iwaizumi glances up at the waitress standing next to his table. She holds a pot of coffee out towards him, but he offers a thin smile and shakes his head. 

"No, thank you though." 

She leaves, and when he turns to stare back out the window, his gaze lazily moves from face to face. And then his eyes land on a certain brunet, and he feels his breath catch in his throat. 

He lowers his arms and sits up straighter, watching Oikawa as he crosses the street and jogs his way towards the café. He doesn't look directly at the store, but if he did, he'd clearly see Iwaizumi watching him. 

_Maybe I should have sat in the back_ , Iwaizumi thinks, watching Oikawa draw closer. The idea that he'll just stop outside and not even come in flits across Iwaizumi's mind. But he knows if Oikawa did that, Iwaizumi would storm out of here and cause hell. 

Oikawa doesn't do that though. He keeps his head bowed while he enters the shop. He heads straight for the counter and doesn't turn around, not until two minutes later when his coffee order is ready. 

He instantly spots Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi sits up even straighter and keeps his hands folded together under the table. He doesn't know if he's scowling or not, and he tries to see if he can relax his features, but doesn't think it works. Oikawa steps slowly across the café with his usual grace, his white lab coat fluttering out behind him, his face unreadable. 

When the chair scraps loudly against the linoleum as Oikawa pulls it back, Iwaizumi doesn't even flinch. Oikawa plops down and sighs. 

"It has been a long time, Iwa-chan." 

Now Iwaizumi knows he's scowling. "Asskawa." 

Oikawa stares at him for a moment, and then he falls into a fit of giggles. He slumps against his chair and the two just stare at one another. There's definitely something showing in Oikawa's expression, but Iwaizumi can't pinpoint it just yet. 

Iwaizumi shakes his head. "I can't believe you actually showed." 

Oikawa hunches over the table, crossing his arms in front of him, his head bowed. When his gaze meets Iwaizumi's, he sees it. "Aw, don't be like that Iwa-chan." 

"Drop the act Oikawa. I can see it in your eyes. You need something." 

Oikawa freezes, and then drops his head again. His hands go to cradle his coffee cup, but he doesn't drink from it. His shoulders slump and he sighs, and Iwaizumi already knows whatever Oikawa says next is going to be important. 

"I just... I needed to see a familiar face. I needed to see someone I _know._ " 

"We haven't seen each other in eight years--no thanks to you--so what makes you think you know me?" 

Iwaizumi leans back in his chair and crosses his arms across his chest. Oikawa still doesn't look at him. 

"Ah, Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan. You're as ever changing as a mountain. You'll be the same until the day you die." 

Iwaizumi snorts in response. "Then what does that make you?" 

As he shrugs, Oikawa lifts his head and sits back up. "Maybe the ocean? I do like water." 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay," he pauses and finishes off his coffee. Maybe he should have taken that refill. "What has you so depressed you actually showed up for once?" 

Oikawa fakes a gasp and raises one hand to his chest. "You wound me, Iwa-chan!" he trails off into a fit of giggles, and for some reason, Iwaizumi can't help but smile a little. 

When Oikawa settles down, he hunches over the table again and shakes his head. "I'm... trying to right things, in my life. I knew if I was going to do that, I needed to follow through with meeting you. And I'm sorry for never showing in the past. That was rude of me." 

"Do you have legit excuses for never showing? Or were you just being a pissbaby?" 

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" 

"Answer the question Asskawa." 

"Same as ever, Iwa-chan," Oikawa chuckles. Finally, he takes a sip from his coffee. Iwaizumi can't help but focus on the way Oikawa's Adam's apple bobs up and down as he drinks. "I was being a pissbaby, plain and simple."

"Glad we got that out of the way," Iwaizumi nods, not sure how hurt he should be feeling. Overall he doesn't know how he should be feeling. It's been eight years and he's finally hanging out with his best friend. Does that term even work for them though? Despite Oikawa looking and acting vaguely the same, is he really? It seems safe to say that no matter how much time passes, they'll always be friends, but unlike Oikawa's reasoning, things do change. 

"Listen, I am sorry for all those times I didn't show, but I'm here now! I want to make it up to you somehow." 

Iwaizumi shrugs, opens his mouth to reply, but closes it before he can say something dumb. He thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs again. "Don't go getting all sentimental on me, but you being here now really does make a difference. I'm glad you showed up." 

Oikawa gives him his award winning smile, the one that turns heads and makes a room brighter. Iwaizumi feels his stomach flutter, unused to Oikawa's charms after not being near him in so long. 

Oikawa opens his mouth to reply, but a loud beeping interrupts him. He glances at his waist then out the window, before turning to give Iwaizumi a grimace. 

"Duty calls," he says. The look he gives begs Iwaizumi to understand, and he does. They couldn't just sit here all day reminiscing and catching up, caught in a sort of fairy-tale meeting. This is the real world, and in the real world, Oikawa is training to become a doctor. 

"I'll talk to you later, okay Iwa-chan? And we'll meet up again real soon, yeah?" 

He nods. "I'll hold you to it this time." they both stand and stare at one another awkwardly, and then Oikawa reaches towards Iwaizumi and wraps his arms around him in a quick hug. 

"It was real good seeing you," he whispers before pulling away. 

Iwaizumi can feel a knot forming in his throat. "Yeah, you too." 

Oikawa gives him a glimpse of a smile before turning to exit the café. He waves over his shoulder before going through the door. Iwaizumi stands there like an idiot while he watches Oikawa through the café's store front, his eyes focused on the figure in the white coat until it disappears in the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this ch was kinda shitty :') the next ch prolly isn't any better and unfortunately it won't be out for awhile so :u enjoy the calm before the storm?


	5. Chapter 5

The man next to Suga coughs, sputtering smoke into Suga's face. Suga grimaces and turns away, but on the other side of him is a bad smelling woman with a two year old attached to her hip. 

"Yeah, I'm outside. I needed some... fresh air. It's why I'm calling actually." 

"Oh?" Oikawa's voice sounds tiny on the other side of the line, almost like he's not really there. 

"My boss wants me to close tonight." 

His reply is even harder to hear. "Oh. That's... that's unfortunate." 

"Well, I figured it'd be a good time since you're working, and I'll be getting paid overtime." 

"Um, today is actually my day off." 

Oikawa chuckles, but there's no merit to it. Suga feels his heartbeat start to race. Of all the... 

"Really? I'm sorry Tooru, I didn't know." 

"Yeah, it's okay," Oikawa coughs, and Suga puts his back to the busy street, though now he's facing a bench full of drunk teenagers, even though it's not even eight pm. "What time do you think you'll be back?" 

For a moment, Suga's mind blanks. What time will he be home? Hell if he knew. Tonight he was going to let go of all his worries while he laid in Iwaizumi's arms, celebrating their anniversary. He planned it for today because he figured Oikawa would be working, which meant he wouldn't be home till the next evening. 

"Um, probably between one and two? Depends on how busy it ends up being, and how long it takes to clean up the store," Suga tacks on a laugh, just as a bus pulls up behind him. The mother and smoking man rush forward, eager to get on and find a seat. The teenagers laugh and try to stand, but end up falling on themselves. Suga makes sure he's last, hoping Oikawa won't notice the change in background noise. "Listen, I gotta go now. But I'll text you when I'm on my way home, okay?" 

"Yeah, sure. See you then. Love you." 

"You too," Suga hangs up the phone quickly, his heart still beating against his chest. He pays for the ride and finds an empty pole near the middle. He wraps an arm around the pole while he dials Iwaizumi's number. 

He answers on the third ring. "So? How'd it go?" 

Suga sighs and hangs his head. A wave of comfort hits him at hearing Iwaizumi's voice. "Well, I can't say it went well, but it seems like he bought it." 

"That's good, right?" 

"Not entirely. It turns out he's not working tonight, so I told him I'd be home between one and two." 

"Sugawara, no! Why would you do such a thing!" Iwaizumi exclaims, though Suga hears a chuckle at the end. He gives a small laugh and starts bobbing his head. 

"I might have panicked a little! I really thought he worked tonight, and when he told me he had the night off it felt like my heart was going to explode." 

Iwaizumi laughs fully this time. "Well just get over here and I'll calm it down for ya." 

"Pfft, on the contrary, you make my heart race in a completely different way." 

Iwaizumi doesn't reply for a moment, and then he sucks in a breath and says in a soft whisper, "That was downright poetic." 

"Oh, please," 

They share a laugh before sobering up. 

"Well, when you get here, press the buzzer three times and I'll let you in, okay?" 

"Okay. I'm on the bus now so it shouldn't be too much longer." 

"I'll see you in a bit then." 

"Alright. Love you." 

"Love you too." 

-x-x-x- 

Iwaizumi lives in a short, dull building that only has four floors and three rooms per floor. His apartment is on the second one, and Suga can easily pinpoint Iwaizumi's kitchen window from the street. It has a few succulents in the sill, a birthday gift Suga got him shortly after their relationship began. 

He finds Iwaizumi's name on the list next to the door and presses the buzzer three times, one hand on the door to open it as soon as it unlocks. 

"Who is it?" he hears instead. 

Suga presses the talk button. "Who else would it be?" 

The door unlocks in reply, and Suga steps inside quickly. 

He makes his way to the second floor and to Iwazumi's room, where he knocks three times and waits patiently with his arms crossed across his chest. 

The door opens just a crack, enough for Iwaizumi to peek through. When he sees it's Suga, he sighs and opens it all the way. 

Suga gives him a curious look, but Iwaizumi just retreats to the kitchen. 

"What happened to, 'I'll buzz you right in'?" 

"Would you like a slice of pizza instead?" 

Suga follows him into the tiny kitchen and sees the box of pizza open on the table, a bag of breadsticks next to it. He starts to shake his head, but then he looks up at Iwaizumi. He won't look at him. 

"No," he starts, his mouth hanging open and a laugh forming. "No! You didn't!" judging by the redness spreading across Iwaizumi's face, Suga knows he's right. 

"What happened?" 

"He buzzed three times and I was all, 'Come on up babe' and he never said anything back! So then when he knocked I opened the door and I had this stupid look on my face--" 

"What kind of stupid look?" 

Iwaizumi glares at him before continuing. "My I'm-going-to-fuck-you-tonight look." 

"The constipated one?" Suga laughs. 

"I don't--It's not--Jesus, Suga! How rude." 

Suga bends over at the waist as he laughs, tears pricking his eyes. 

"It's really not that funny," Iwaizumi mumbles. 

"I wish I could have seen the look on that guy's face," Suga gasps out. It takes a full minute until he's able to calm himself again, and look at Iwaizumi without laughing. "What'd he say? Or do?" 

Iwaizumi mumbles something Suga doesn’t catch. 

"Use your words," Suga draws out. 

Iwaizumi makes a face but doesn't look up from the table. "It was this little old man that said not one word. His face was impassive. He handed me the food then held out his hand for the money. I paid him and he left." 

"Aw, that's no fun. Must mean he's dealt with worst customers than you." 

"Ha ha," 

Suga finally crosses the space between them and wraps his arms around Iwaizumi's neck, forcing the other male to look up at him. Suga offers a small smile. "Sorry. I know you get insecure sometimes--" 

"I don't get insecure--" 

Suga stops him with a kiss. One hand is clutching at Iwaizumi's back while the other trails up his neck and through his hair. Suga feels Iwaizumi moan against his lips. He smiles and pulls away. 

"Come on. We only have a few hours to do all the things we wanted. We shouldn't waste any of it." 

"Always the voice of reason." Iwaizumi whispers in reply. Suga leans forward and kisses him again, and this time, Iwaizumi reacts by sliding his arms around Suga's waist and lifting him just enough to sit him on the kitchen counter. 

Suga pulls away from Iwaizumi just enough to ask, "Where haven't we had sex yet?" 

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow and smirks. "The kitchen sink." 

"Just checking." Suga wraps his legs around Iwaizumi's hips to bring him closer, needing to feel all of him. They only have a few hours together until Suga has to leave again. Soon, he hopes, he won't have to leave at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this ch is so bad pls forgive me :') I hope y'all can still enjoy it :')

He doesn't know who to be more disgusted in. Him or Suga. 

He wanted to be respectful. He wanted to give Suga the benefit of the doubt. After all, this was his boyfriend they were talking about--his boyfriend of _six years_. They'd gone through hell and back, and he was sure Suga might have been The One. There wasn't anything in the world Oikawa wouldn't have done had Suga asked. 

So as part of him trying to right things, he took the night off and wanted to surprise Suga by picking him up after work, then take him to some restaurant downtown. Oikawa was sure that this would be a good first step towards them reconnecting. 

But then he watched from across the street as Suga called him from a bus stop, then hang up just after he got on the bus. They were only a block away from Suga's work, so why get on a bus? 

He walked home with his head held high and shoulders squared back. He managed to keep a straight face all the way to the apartment, and only after he closed the front door behind him, did he slump to the floor in a mess of tears and sobs. 

It's not like he didn't figure it all out ages ago. The late nights, the camping trips, the hickeys. It doesn't take a genius to know when your boyfriend is cheating on you. A single lie about Suga's day was the first to tip Oikawa off. And then the camping trips, the calls to his family at odd hours. Oikawa got his confirmation tonight when Suga got on that bus. 

Oikawa figures he should be more disgusted in Suga, for lying and cheating on him. But mostly, he's just hurt. 

He knows he hadn't been around a lot. Work is important! He's training to be a doctor, and doctors lead busy lives. Suga knew that when they started dating. And he can't help it if all he talks about is what happens at work. That and the time he has with Suga in this apartment are his entire life. Nothing else happens beyond those two buildings. 

Except, the other week when he deviated and went to a coffee shop. 

Oikawa wipes at his face and crawls from his spot on the floor to the couch, where he takes his phone out of his pocket and pulls up Iwaizumi's number. 

He calls his friend, clears his throat while it rings, and hopes Iwaizumi won't be able to hear that he'd been crying. Surely his friend could offer some words of wisdom or comfort. 

It goes to voicemail. 

"Hey, Iwa-chan," Oikawa says, his voice hitching. He coughs and tacks on a smile because he knows Iwaizumi would be able to hear it if he wasn't smiling. "I was um, just calling to figure out when we should meet up again? It-it can be at that café or somewhere of your choosing this time. And I swear I'll show up," he laughs, hoping it'll mask the fact that he's crying again. He clears his throat again and scrubs the tears away. "Um, so yeah. Just, let me know, okay? Talk to you later." 

He chokes on another sob just as he hangs up. All he can feel is anguish and guilt and disgust as thoughts of Suga with someone else crowd his mind. Suga's probably happy right now, being away from him. Happy and content and loving. Honestly, he has to be the worst boyfriend ever if his partner is cheating on him. 

After a few more minutes of self-hatred and wiping snot and tears from his face, Oikawa makes his way to the bedroom. He barely slides off his shoes before he collapses onto Suga's side of the bed. Suga's scent from the pillow fills Oikawa's head. It's sweet, almost like vanilla, and it overpowers Oikawa's senses. He can still tell he's crying, but he can't feel anything anymore. 

His boyfriend is with someone else right now. They could just be taking a walk, or talking, or making-out, or fucking. Oikawa wonders if it's been one person this entire time, or if Suga has been floundering about with multiple people. He doesn't know which one is worse. 

Eventually, he manages to pass out, and only wakes up when his arm starts to throb. It's a dead weight pressed against his side when he sits up, and after he's blinked and glanced around the darkened room, his mind still cloudy from sleep, does he realize where he's at. He's still on Suga's side of the bed, still in his clothes from earlier. Dried tears and snot are caked on his face. He slides out of bed and into the bathroom before he can fall back asleep. 

When he flips on the light and stares at himself in the mirror, he wants to disappear. His eyes are red and squinty, his hair is pointing in every direction, and there's a faint red mark where his face was pressed against some creases in the pillow. 

He washes his face and somehow gets himself into the shower. Afterwards he feels slightly better, but chooses to ignore everything he can. He eats a bowl of cereal on the couch in the dark, needing the silence and darkness to help keep him calm, to help keep things muted. Then he calls into work and tells them he won't be able to come in tomorrow either, saying he caught some bug on the bus last night. With his perfect attendance and great performance, he's allowed another day off. 

He crawls into bed again, on his side this time, and put's his back to Suga's. 

He doesn't know when Suga will get home. If he'd been closing the store today, he would have been home an hour ago, but he's still not here. 

Oikawa squeezes his eyes shut and burrows his face into his pillow. _Not right now,_ he thinks. _Can't think about that now._

When he falls asleep again, he dreams of Suga's disappearing form and an anonymous laugh echoing around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u guess what's gonna happen soon? :o i'm just as eager as y'all to see what comes next :')


	7. Chapter 7

He bolts up in bed, gasping. Iwaizumi's arm around his waist is yanked away. 

He glances at the clock and starts to cuss. "I fell asleep. I fucking fell asleep." He can feel his voice growing more shrill as he jumps from the bed and starts to gather his clothes. Iwaizumi groans into his pillow but otherwise doesn't move. "Hajime! It's five in the morning! I was supposed to be home hours ago. Fuck--shit--" his heart is racing and his hands are shaking and his pants aren't sliding on properly. Where's his other sock? He can't leave without both his socks. 

Iwaizumi groans again before rolling onto his back and propping himself up with his elbows. "Well, after all that we did last night, of course we'd be exhausted." Suga glances over at Iwaizumi to see him smirking. He glares and the smirk disappears instantly. 

Suga finishes pulling on the one sock and slipping into his shirt. His pants still need to be buttoned but he needs to find his other sock. He also needs to find his keys and wallet and phone, and all the while Iwaizumi is just laying there and staring at him. 

He starts to open his mouth to ask for help, but closes it and storms from the room. He can just barely hear Iwaizumi sigh before the covers rustle and there's a pair of footsteps trailing after him. 

"Phone is on the kitchen table, keys and wallet are on the in-table by the door." Iwaizumi yawns, stretches his arms above his head and bends his back inwards. Suga pauses in his haste to admire his body, but when Iwaizumi's eyes meet his, he shakes his head and goes back to ignoring his boyfriend. 

He manages to find his things, and gives up hope on finding his other sock. Until Iwaizumi stops him from leaving the apartment by holding out the missing sock. 

Suga snatches it from him and shoves it into his pocket. He doesn't bother with a goodbye or a backward glance as he leaves the apartment. 

He takes the stairs two at a time and jumps onto the first floor landing. He runs out the door and starts to jog towards the nearest bus stop. The next one should be by soon. 

Suga doesn't know what he'll tell Oikawa. There was an accident? The store was extremely busy? He got so tired he passed out somewhere? 

He wouldn't buy any of it. Suga wouldn't be surprised if Oikawa was pacing the living room right now, wondering where he was. 

The bus broke down... because it was hit... No no, that wouldn't work. And playing the work card wouldn't work, since no matter how busy it got, it barely ever closed past one a.m. 

_Maybe I could just say I lost track of time... That I walked home and went to the park..._

Suga shakes his head. His eyes burn, _from the wind_ , he tells himself, but soon he's reached the bus stop and it's half full with people ready for work. He takes the moment to catch his breath. 

By the time he's standing outside his apartment complex, the sun is in the sky and Suga still doesn't have an excuse. He wipes the sweat from his brow and enters the building, forcing himself to calm down as he waits for the elevator and rides it to the fifth floor. His building is a lot nicer than Iwaizumi's. Nicer and bigger and more expensive. 

_Oikawa takes care of most of that..._ He shakes his head when he exits the elevator. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his keys, the jingling and jangling seeming to echo around him. 

This might be it. Oikawa might question him and ask what happened, and Suga doesn't think he'd be able to lie about this. 

His heart pounds against his ribs. His hands shake so badly it takes him half a minute to get the key in the lock and open the door. It creaks open. Suga holds his breath, waiting for Oikawa to pop out from behind a corner and beret him for being so late. 

But he doesn't show. Suga closes the door behind him with a soft click, and takes a few tentative steps into the living room. There's no sound from the kitchen, not even any lingering smells to see if Oikawa made breakfast. He doesn't hear water running from the bathroom so he can't be there. 

Suga gulps as he makes his way to the bedroom. The door is closed, and every beat of his heart against his ribs hurt. He twists the knob slowly and peeks in the room. The shades are still closed, so it takes him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dimness. He finds the bed and the rumpled bed sheets, noticing the beaten in pillows and empty space between one side of the bed and the other. 

Oikawa isn't here. 

The realization makes him feel faint. Suga finally sucks in a breath and slumps to the floor. He's not here. 

A few minutes pass before he's able to stand again, and when he does, his entire body feels heavy. He's exhausted, he realizes, even though he shouldn't be. He slept fairly well at Iwaizumi's and even though the ride from there to here barely took an hour, the stress of seeing Oikawa must have taken its toll on him. 

He takes off his clothes and slides into bed, not caring anymore. He grabs Oikawa's pillow and hugs it to his chest, breathing in the scent of his official boyfriend. 

Out of nowhere he misses Oikawa. His eyes sting and his chest aches, but he doesn't move his face away from the pillow as he starts to remember some things. 

They met their first year of college. Oikawa was a big flirt and everyone knew he slept around. He was notorious for his one-night stands. But he was charming, and he stared at Suga in a way that always gave him butterflies. It led to a supposed one-night stand of their own, but Suga being Suga, he slept in in the morning and never left. Oikawa was there to greet him, and they fell into a sort of hook-up stage. By the time the year ended though, they were dating and beyond happy. 

There were ups and downs, of course. Oikawa's studying habits were atrocious and made him sick. He had a knack for bottling things up and keeping Suga out of the loop. He flirted with everything that moved. He would even disappear at odd hours, and it'd take Suga forever to find him and pull Oikawa out of his dark space. It was especially difficult once Suga dropped out of college and went to work at a retail store and Oikawa kept studying. 

Honestly though, it was probably the lack of attention and physical closeness from Oikawa that had Suga straying, to looking at others. 

He'd been in their local library to pass the time and get out of the cold when he bumped into a stranger while reaching for a book. His hands kept shaking and he'd been tripping over his words, but the stranger just kept that cool air about him, and in the end, offered a smile that swept Suga off his feet. 

He asked the stranger out for coffee, and he'd agreed. By the end of their little date, Suga was head over heels for the stranger. They kissed before they parted ways, and Suga knew he was in trouble. 

The start of his relationship with Iwaizumi had been exciting and riveting, almost like a jolt of energy for Suga. Keeping it a secret from Oikawa added to the fun, but eventually, he had to tell Iwaizumi he had a boyfriend. 

Thinking about that conversation now has Suga's lips twitching. Iwaizumi had thought Suga was suggesting a threesome, but when he learned the truth, it was easy to see how hurt and betrayed he was. And yet he struggled through it, and the two kept dating. 

Suga tightens his grip on the pillow, missing Iwaizumi. 

_I don't know what to do_. He sighs into his pillow and closes his eyes, but sleep doesn't come. His mind keeps going over last night's activities and the confrontation with Oikawa that's bound to happen soon. He could end up losing both of them, and even though it takes him a while to admit it, he realizes he doesn't want to lose Oikawa either. 

He still loves him. He still wants to be with him. They have issues to work on, sure, and Suga knows Oikawa would take this news worse than Iwaizumi. But he'd push through it. He would. 

Maybe Suga is being selfish. The thought nags at him, but he squeezes his eyes shut and burrows into the pillow, wanting to block everything out. Life without Oikawa would be... empty. He can't help but admit that it already is, that seeing his boyfriend twice a week is taxing and has Suga wondering when the last night out they had was. But not feeling the bed sink beside him in the middle of the night when Oikawa gets home from a shift at the hospital, or to smell the leftover antiseptic on Oikawa's dirty laundry, or to know he needs to go grocery shopping when Oikawa's favorite cereal box is in the trash... Life without the little intricies of Oikawa just seems bleak. 

He probably is being selfish, but Suga doesn't let the thought get to him. Instead, he hugs the pillow tighter and lets exhaustion take over. Whatever happens next, he'll take it in stride. He loves his boyfriend, and he won't give up without a fight. He just hopes it's not too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proollllyyy not the best ch haha suga is a tricky thing to write for this fic :')


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all get two chs this time bc I messed up! this ch sorta marks the halfway point? i'm not sure how much more there is to go but it'll be over soon :^)

As soon as Suga leaves, Iwaizumi crawls back into bed and turns his phone on, immediately noticing a missed call and voice message from Oikawa. 

He listens to his friend ask if they can meet up again, and even though he can hear the smile, something about Oikawa's tone sounds off. 

Something is wrong. 

Iwaizumi sighs and texts Oikawa, not wanting to actually listen to his friend so early in the morning. 

_We can meet up whenever. Even today. Same time and place?_

He checks his email and the weather for the day, but it's still too early to get out of bed. He could even sleep for a few more hours if he wanted to. He doesn't work today, he doesn't have anything important to do. Usually, the days after he sleeps with Suga, he just relaxes in his apartment. He rests up, takes care of any scratches that might be on his back or legs--Suga never clips his nails, so it's a wonder Iwaizumi still has any skin left--and just overall becomes a lazy bum. 

Almost immediately he gets a reply from Oikawa. 

_That works! I'll see you then!_

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes at his phone but doesn't reply. Something is definitely up. 

Until his fated meeting with Oikawa at noon, he lounges in bed reading on his phone, before showering and grabbing a bowl of cereal for breakfast. 

By the time he leaves the apartment, he figures it should be safe to call Suga to see if the other made it home okay. 

Suga answers on the fourth ring, his voice groggy as if he just woke from a nap. 

"Did I wake you?" 

"Iwaizu--? Um, yeah, actually. But it's okay, I needed to get up anyways." 

"Heh, sorry. Were you sleeping good at least?" 

"Nope," he hears covers rustling on the other end, then Suga yawning. "But it's okay. I'll live." 

"Speaking of living... was your boyfriend there when you came in?" 

"Again, nope. Apartment was empty." 

Iwaizumi nods and steps out of his apartment building. The café where he met Oikawa a couple days ago is just a few blocks away. He'll be there early and probably sit in the same seat and stare out the same window and watch the hospital and wait for Oikawa to appear. The idiot will probably be wearing his lab coat again and look completely out of place. 

"Lucky you. Seriously though, that could have ended badly." 

"I'm not so sure. He wasn't supposed to work last night, and his shift today isn't supposed to start until late this afternoon. I don't know where he is. There's no note, nothing missing. He's just gone." Suga sighs and Iwaizumi can't help but notice the twinge of pain in Suga's voice. Something in his chest aches. 

"I'm sure he'll turn up." 

"You make him sound like a lost dog." 

"Oh, so he's not a dog?" 

"Hajime," Iwaizumi snickers, but stops when he hears Suga sigh. "I know he'll show up sooner or later. I'm just worried. I practically ran over here expecting him to be waiting up for me, and yet he's not here? Talk about anticlimactic. Actually, let's not talk about it. What are you up to?" 

"Before that, does this conversation mean you're not mad at me anymore?" Iwaizumi holds his breath while he waits for Suga's answer. 

"I was never mad at you _per se_. I was just... in a rush. To get home. And you weren't making things any easier." 

Iwaizumi wants to comment on the "home" part of Suga's reply, but he bites his tongue. One of these days, Suga is either going to be coming home _to him_ , or never coming back. Either option has his chest tightening, but he sucks in a breath and continues on. 

"So we're good?" 

"We're good. Now, what are you up to?" 

Iwaizumi groans and rolls his eyes. "I'm going to meet my idiot of a friend Oikawa. He called me earlier and it soun--" 

"Wait, what? Who?" 

Suga's voice rises in panic as he asks the question, but Iwaizumi just ignores it. He can see the café now. He stops where he is and stares at it while he talks. 

"His name's Oikawa. We used to be friends in high school but had a falling out. He reached out a couple days ago and he wants to try and reconcile or something, I don't know." 

"Wha-what does he look like? I-I mean is he c-cuter than me?" Suga laughs. 

Iwaizumi groans again and chuckles. "I don't see him like that. I mean, he's always got people fawning over him, especially when he tacks on his superficial smile and acts like such a prince. But he's such an idiot sometimes it's a wonder he even got through college, let alone med school." 

"M-med school?" 

Iwaizumi starts walking again when he notices people around him giving him curious stares. Apparently it's impolite to stop in the middle of a sidewalk while you're on the phone. 

"Yeah, he's training to become a doctor? Or he is a doctor? I'm not sure. But listen, I’m outside the café, so I have to go. I'll call you later, alright?" 

"Sure, sure. Talk to you then." Suga's words are barely out before he hangs up, but Iwaizumi's attention is on a brunette sitting at a table near the windows, staring at him. Iwaizumi glances at the time on his clock, and his eyes widen slightly. Oikawa is actually early. 

He stares at his friend for a moment, noticing the lack of a lab coat. Oikawa smiles at him, but it's weak. He lifts a hand and waves, and Iwaizumi jerks his head in acknowledgment. 

Iwaizumi goes to enter the café, and just like what Oikawa did the last time, he goes straight for the counter and doesn't turn around until he has his coffee. 

Oikawa jumps when Iwaizumi pulls out the chair from across from him, even though they both knew he was expecting it. This close, Iwaizumi can see the redness to Oikawa's eyes. His hair is a mess and no matter how far back his lips pull when he smiles, Iwaizumi can still tell it's taking everything in Oikawa to do it. 

"You look like shit," he says first. The smile falters, then Oikawa hangs his head and chuckles. When he speaks, his voice wavers. 

"I had a rough evening." 

"Are you going to talk about it or am I here strictly as a distraction?" 

Iwaizumi wonders if he should soften his tone, act a little more sympathetic. After all, Oikawa isn't someone who lets his outward appearance reflect how he feels, and right now, it's clearly evident he's feeling terrible. 

With his head still bowed he says, "I'm not sure." Iwaizumi takes a sip of his coffee while he waits for Oikawa to continue. But he doesn't talk about what's bothering him. "Who were you talking to on the phone?" 

Iwaizumi can't help the grin that shyly slides on his face. Oikawa glances up and his face scrunches in confusion. "Uh, my boyfriend, actually. I was calling to make sure he got home okay." 

"Your what?" Oikawa's voice is cold. The smile slips from Iwaizumi's face as he stares at his friend. He raises a brow. 

"My boyfriend. Did I not mention I was dating someone?" 

Oikawa tilts his head to the side as he sits up straight. "Your boy--? Your _boyfriend_? Since when have you been into guys?" 

Iwaizumi thinks it's a weird question. He shrugs at Oikawa and hopes they'll leave this conversation soon. "I don't know man. What's the big deal anyways?" 

Oikawa stares at Iwaizumi with an open-mouthed expression, and after a minute he snaps his mouth shut and clears his throat. He looks away as he asks, "Tell me about him." 

"What? Seriously?" 

He nods but still doesn't look at Iwaizumi. 

"Yeah, I'd like to know who can make Iwa-chan smile like that." there's almost a mocking tone to Oikawa's voice, and Iwaizumi is almost tempted to ignore the request and leave. This meeting with his friend is getting on his nerves. 

But then he sighs. His friend. His friend who is obviously going through something called him to help deal with it. Or distract him from it. Iwaizumi would be lying if he didn't miss hanging out with Oikawa. It's been years, sure, and things have changed, but it's hard to forget your best friend. 

"His name's Suga and we met last year at the library. He works as a cashier at a retail shop and I'm not really sure what else you want me to tell you." 

Iwaizumi finally looks up at Oikawa, just as there's the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. Pain erupts behind his eyes and nose as his head is jerked back. His chair tips backwards and he's too stunned to grab the table and stop his fall. He crashes against the chairs behind him and ends in a heap on the ground, his arms and legs and a spot on his back throbbing. 

"What the hell?!" he yells. There's shouts around them but the only thing he can see is Oikawa standing above him, his face a cloud of anger and hate. 

He has to turn his head to the side and spit out the blood running from his nose. He glares up at Oikawa, who's face is slowly starting to melt into a more guilty expression. 

"What the fuck was that for?" Iwaizumi asks again. Oikawa still doesn't say anything, but offers a hand as Iwaizumi pushes himself to his feet. People are surrounding them, but no one is interfering. Iwaizumi bats away Oikawa's hand as he stands, spitting out more blood. 

"Sorry, I'm sorry!" Oikawa says. Now that the moment has passed and his anger has slipped away, his face is twisted with guilt and pain. Iwaizumi can't decide if he should deck his friend or offer a shoulder pat. "It's about why I called you actually--" 

"That still doesn't give you a right to punch me in the face!" 

"I know! I--" 

"Sirs, I'm going to have to ask you two to leave." the pair turn to a middle-aged woman with her hands held up. Despite her stern voice, her face is slack with emotion. She motions towards the door. Iwaizumi looks from her to Oikawa and scoffs. He grabs a few napkins from the table and starts to wipe up the blood dripping from his nose. His nose is just one throbbing mass of pain, and he can't decide if he should run over to the hospital for a quick checkup. 

Then he remembers that the person trailing him is a doctor and he could get his nose checked for free. 

He stomps out the front door and starts to head back towards his apartment, Oikawa trailing close behind. 

"Listen, I really need to talk to you now." Oikawa pleads over his shoulder. He pushes his way through the people on the street, but as soon as they see the bloody mess his nose is causing, they part for him easily. 

"Why the hell should I listen to anything you have to say?" 

"Because it's about Suga." 

Iwaizumi stops in his tracks. Oikawa hurries to stand in front of him, his hands fumbling with his phone before he holds it up for Iwaizumi to see. 

He sucks in a breath as his eyes land on the picture Oikawa pulled up. 

It's a picture of Oikawa with his arm wrapped around a silver-haired man, the pair smiling so wide their eyes are slanted shut. Iwaizumi can't take his eyes off of Suga's smile, wanting to deny what's going on. But he can't. 

He glances up at Oikawa, who's eyes are shining and a crease runs across his forehead. "Can we talk? Please?" 

Iwaizumi glares at his friend, but finally jerks his head to the side. "Come on." 

They walk back to Iwaizumi's apartment in silence, and when they enter the room, Iwaizumi heads straight for the bathroom to wash the blood off his face. It seems his nose has stopped bleeding, and the bridge looks a little crooked, but mostly, it's just swollen. 

When he heads back out to the living room, Oikawa is shuffling around nervously with his arms wrapped around himself. Iwaizumi goes for the kitchen and fills a bag with ice and gingerly places it over his face. He sighs as his face starts to numb, slightly hoping it'll numb his brain enough so he won't have to have this conversation. 

"You can sit down, you know." he says to Oikawa when he reenters the living room. Oikawa just nods and glances from the couch to the recliner. Iwaizumi sighs and plops onto the chair, leaving Oikawa with the better option. He sits down slowly and keeps his arms placed on his knees, like he's afraid of touching anything else. 

He doesn't want to do this. He never figured it'd be him confronting Suga's other boyfriend. He always figured he'd get a call in the evening from Suga, crying probably, and talking about the conversation he just had. He'd invite Suga over and comfort him, but internally rejoice, knowing Suga was all his. He wouldn't have to share anymore or worry that Suga would leave him. 

Thinking of Suga has Iwaizumi sighing. He'll have to know about this sooner or later. But whether he or Oikawa tells Suga has remained to be seen. 

"So," Oikawa clears his throat, straightens his back, and slides to face Iwaizumi. "So, Suga. He-he's really your--?" 

"Yeah," Iwaizumi pipes up before Oikawa can drag it out. "Same guy." 

"Did you know or suspect he was che-cheating on you?" Oikawa coughs and looks around nervously. It pains Iwaizumi to see his friend so uncomfortable. 

_What to do, what to do_ , he thinks. This is going to be the worst part. 

"No," he starts. He shifts his ice pack so it's blocking his eyes. "He told me about you a few weeks after we started dating." 

There's silence, then an intake of breath before Oikawa shouts. "Then why would you keep dating him if you knew that?" 

Iwaizumi's hand tightens on the ice pack. He leans back in his chair. "Because I'm a fucking idiot," he mumbles. "And I love him." 

Oikawa doesn't reply. Iwaizumi keeps his eyes closed and the ice pressed against his face as he hears clothes rustling and what sounds like Oikawa standing. Footsteps pace towards the bedrooms and back as Oikawa composes himself. 

"Did-did you know I was the other guy?" he finally asks. 

Iwaizumi hesitates before replying. "No," he says. He lowers the ice pack and blinks before searching for Oikawa. "I didn't know it was you. Suga never mentioned your name or anything specific about you."

Oikawa stiffens at hearing Suga's name. Iwaizumi grimaces and glances away. 

"But you still knew he was with someone else?" 

Iwaizumi nods.

Part of him wants to be a child and shout that Suga is his, that they love one another and the relationship between Oikawa and Suga has been falling apart ever since Suga stepped into his life. But the other part of him can't do that. It's not his place. If he was talking to a stranger, he might be able to slide around all this and pretend none of it ever happened. He'd never see the person again and that would be that. 

But this is Oikawa. They were going to get back on track, patch things up, and maybe become best friends again. He never wanted to hurt his friend. He never wanted to hurt anyone. 

Oikawa sucks in a breath and falls back onto the couch this time, his body splayed out while he rests his head against the back cushions. 

"You know, I was going to tell you I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me." he chuckles, the sound strained and sad. Iwaizumi squeezes his eyes shut. "I was going to ask for advice or just ask if you could be there for me." he pauses again. Iwaizumi removes the ice pack from his face, not able to feel his fingers or the skin around his nose and mouth. Oikawa has his arms spread out on the back of the couch while his head is tilted toward the ceiling. As Iwaizumi watches, he thinks Oikawa will just stay there with his eyes closed, soaking in the silence and letting this conversation wash away. 

But of course he won't do that. His head jerks up and he stares at Iwaizumi, a twisted grin on his face. "The worst part about all this is that it's you." 

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Iwaizumi's face scrunches up in anger. 

Oikawa starts to chuckle and shifts until he can rest his elbows on his knees. The grin is starting to unnerve Iwaizumi. 

"Do you even remember why we stopped being friends?" 

"What does that have to do with anything?" 

"Just answer the question." 

Iwaizumi shrugs and goes to stand. He heads towards the kitchen and dumps his bag of ice. "No, I don't remember, okay? I just know it was over something stupid." 

Oikawa's laugh echoes after him. "That's rich, Iwa-chan." Iwaizumi doesn't head back into the living room, but Oikawa's voice is loud enough that he still hears him. "We were best friends for half our life. I don't know when it happened, but along the way, I fell in love with you. And in our third year, I told you." 

_Shit_. Iwaizumi's hands start to shake. The memory is fuzzy, but as Oikawa keeps talking, he starts to remember bits and pieces. 

"And your response? Straight up rejection, without hesitation. With a disgusted look on your face, you pushed me away and said some really hurtful things." Iwaizumi stills at Oikawa's pause. He pulls out a kitchen chair and sits down, resting his head in his hands. 

_This can't be happening._

"I thought I'd never get over you. I spent so much time thinking about you and what I could have done, or said, to keep you in my life. I almost didn't get into med school because I was so angry and heartbroken." Oikawa takes in a breath. 

With his eyes closed, Iwaizumi can clearly see the face of Oikawa after Iwaizumi had rejected him. He was crushed. His eyes were wide and shiny with tears, his mouth agape as he stared at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi on the other hand, couldn't even look at his friend anymore. Every moment they'd shared was now tainted. How could Oikawa ruin their friendship like this? Iwaizumi had even been in a relationship at the time with a girl from another school, and they'd been happy! But after Oikawa's confession, Iwaizumi couldn't even look at her the same. He spent the rest of the school year pissed off and lonely, unable to enjoy his final year of high school. 

"Then I met Suga." Iwaizumi is jerked back to the here and now as Oikawa's voice pipes up from the living room. The sound of laughter has left his voice. He sounds somber now, and Iwaizumi wonders what his face looks like. "He was the complete opposite of you. I fell for him instantly, and after awhile of us dating, I forgot all about you. He made me happy and even when he dropped out of college, we moved in together and kept dating. I was totally in love with him and even when he started disappearing and lying to me, I thought he had his reasons. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured things would go back to the way they used to be. Until I saw him get on a bus last night when he should have been working." 

There's shuffling from the living room followed by footsteps, and then Iwaizumi is opening his eyes to see Oikawa standing in the entranceway of the kitchen, his eyes focused on the ground while he leans against the wall opposite Iwaizumi. 

He crosses his arms. "That's why it's so funny to me that he had to cheat on me with you. The only people I ever loved, and they end up together." 

Oikawa finally looks up at Iwaizumi. Pain and anger and betrayal pass over his face. Iwaizumi looks away quickly, not able to stomach the whirlwind of emotions. He clears his throat. 

"Listen," he mumbles. Oikawa shifts against the wall. Iwaizumi clears his throat again. "I... I know saying sorry probably isn't going to mean much. I don't even know how much I'd mean it anyways. What you told me at that time, it was--it was difficult to swallow. I didn't know how to handle it, and I handled it poorly. As you can tell by now, what I said then isn't true anymore." Iwaizumi tries for a chuckle, but it's weak and elicits no response from Oikawa. He gulps. "I... I can't deny my feelings for Suga. There's no farce there and I'd do anything for him. And maybe I should have dumped him the moment he told me he was already in a relationship, but I just... I couldn't. Call me a coward or selfish, I just... I can't give him up." 

Iwaizumi looks up at Oikawa, hoping the other man can understand. He can't read his expression. 

Oikawa uncrosses his arms. "I see." 

He doesn't say anything else. He turns and leaves the kitchen, stopping in the living room to grab his keys and wallet from the coffee table. 

"Hey, hold on--!" Oikawa stops with his hand on the doorknob. Iwaizumi jumps from his seat and goes after his pal. "You can't just leave." 

"And I can't just stand here staring at the man I know I'll be losing to." 

"You-you haven't even heard his side of the story though." Iwaizumi wants to kick himself. What is he doing? This is his chance to have Suga all to himself. Why should he help the competition? 

Oikawa glances over his shoulder at Iwaizumi. Tears fall silently down his cheeks. Iwaizumi sucks in a breath. 

"I don't need to hear his side to know he'd pick you." 

He opens the door and leaves, leaving Iwaizumi to stand there shell shocked. 

_What just happened?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im kind of regretting posting this rn but :') It's Happening and i hope y'all Enjoy and Don't Hate Me :')

He never gets a call. Never any indication that Iwaizumi's meeting with Oikawa has ended. 

For a few hours, he sat on the sofa and just stared at the TV, eventually turning it on to drown out the silence. But it didn't keep him distracted for long, so he turned to pacing the living room and kitchen, then cleaning the two rooms. Once they were cleaned, he went through the bathroom and bedroom and cleaned everything he could think of in there as well. He even managed to gather enough dirty clothes to toss into the washer. 

Even when the sun sets Oikawa still isn't home. Iwaizumi hasn't called or texted either, and Suga just can't bring himself to check in first. 

When the laundry is done and he's showered and had a small dinner, almost too anxious to keep anything down, he crawls into bed. The lights are off and there's no sounds emanating from his apartment. He can hear his heart beat. He can hear a soft ringing in his ears. There's the whir of the AC when it kicks on. A bang comes from the wall behind him, and Suga wonders if the old man is finally up for the evening. 

Somehow he manages to fall asleep, but is jolted awake when he hears a door click shut. He doesn't move as he listens to the sound of footsteps shuffling on the floor, of a pair of keys being dropped into the bowl on the table by the front door. He hears the bedroom door creak open, and a sigh following suit. He holds his breath and keeps his eyes shut, waiting. 

The bed sinks beside him. Suga cracks open his eyes and sees Oikawa's back, his head bowed and hands resting in his lap. 

"Why'd you do it? Hm?" he pauses, and in the silence Suga can feel an itch start in his throat. He keeps his mouth shut while he waits. Oikawa sighs. "I know you're awake," he mumbles. Suga cracks open his eyes to see Oikawa glancing at him over his shoulder. "You only sleep like that when you're anxious, and it has you waking up at every little sound." 

The pair stare at one another for a moment, Suga's hand tightening into a fist on his chest as he decides what to do. And then Oikawa turns back around, his shoulders hunching and hands gripping the edge of the mattress. Suga sits up, shivers as cool air hits his bare chest when the covers slide down to pool in his lap, and shifts until he doesn't have to strain to see Oikawa. 

"Where have you been Tooru?" he asks, thankful his voice isn't shaking. 

"I've been thinking all day, and my head hurts more than when I studied for my first medical exam," he says instead, ending it with a chuckle. Suga's skin ripples with goosebumps. "I kept telling myself not to return. I'll stay at the hospital or a coworker's house until I knew you were gone, then I'd come back and pack my things. Then instead I thought about storming in here and yelling at you, asking you why." 

"What are you talking about?" Suga asks. His heart is pounding. _He knows._

"No games, please." Oikawa says, his voice low. Suga inches a hand towards him, wondering what he should do. Should be pull away? Should he comfort him? Should he ask questions or just play dumb? 

Moonlight filters in through the window right across from Oikawa, casting him in shadows, but when he turns around, Suga can clearly see the pain etched across his face. 

"Why'd you have to cheat on me?" 

Suga sucks in a breath. 

"And why'd it have to be with _him_?" 

Oikawa turns back around, lowers his head even more, and that's when Suga hears them. His shoulders start to shake with the choked sobs, and all Suga can do is sit there and let Oikawa cry it out. 

He doesn't know what to do. The pain Oikawa is feeling is tangible, and something in Suga twists as he realizes he caused this. He wants to comfort him, to wrap his arms around him and hold him tight and whisper in his ear that everything will be alright. But he can't. His hand hangs between them, outstretched yet not touching, just inches from Oikawa's back. 

_He seems a million miles away,_ he thinks, even though he can feel the heat rising from Oikawa's back. His hand curls into a fist. 

"I'm sorry, about all of it." Suga says after a moment, knowing the only way to end this is to tell the truth. Whether it helps or not, it needs to be done. Suga can't hear anything anymore, but he can still tell Oikawa is crying by the shuddering of his shoulders. He chokes on his own tears, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I don't know what he told you, and I can't imagine how much pain you're in. But if I could take it all back... I'm not sure I would." 

He slides off the bed then, hardly noticing that Oikawa's shuddering has stopped. He paces next to the bed, the words spilling out faster than he can handle. "I love you to bits and pieces Tooru. I don't know what my life would be like without you. We've been together forever now and you know me better than anyone." he sucks in a breath, wipes at his face, and keeps talking. "But you're never around. And when you are all you do is sleep, eat, and talk about work. And I got tired of it! When I met Hajime it was like... it was like a breath of fresh air. He listened and paid attention to me... he noticed me, and it felt nice to be noticed again." 

He takes in another breath to go on, to keep rambling because really, what else can he do? But Oikawa stands and turns to face him, tears staining his face, his mouth pulled into a hard line and his eyes turned to slits. He turns to step around the bed while he talks. 

"You cheated on me because _I_ wasn't around? What about before you met Iwaizumi, and you'd disappear to your parents' for the weekend or Sawamura's house? Or in the mornings when you'd leave as soon as you could, and stay out hours after your shift ended? Where were _you_ when I dragged myself home after a twenty hour shift at the hospital, covered in the death of three patients? When every time I came home, all I wanted was to see you, but you were never around?" 

Suga stares at him, his mouth agape as he tries to piece it together. He didn't... he never really... 

Oikawa stands in front of him now, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks as he leans in close and whispers his next words. 

"How can you stand there and blame me when you were the one who left first?" 

Before Suga can reply, Oikawa spins away and stomps out the room. Suga is left staring at the lit window, wondering where he went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh... there shouldn't be too many chs left? :o
> 
> again, pls don't hate me :')


	10. Chapter 10

"You don't get to just walk away!" 

The shout comes from the bedroom, but Oikawa doesn't glance over his shoulder. He scoffs and slips into his shoes, glad he didn't get undressed before confronting Suga. 

"You do it all the time," Oikawa replies. He grabs his keys and wallet from the bowl and pockets them as he goes to open the front door. 

"Tooru! Look at me, please." 

The door is open, just a crack. It'd be easy to open it all the way and slip through. He doesn't even have to close it before disappearing down the hallway and into the night. 

Oikawa's hand tightens on the doorknob, inching it open. Everything about him is a mess. He can't think straight. He doesn't even know what emotion is dominating him at this moment, but he does know it's violent. 

"If I look at you," he breathes out, his voice low and grating. "I'll do something I'll regret." 

He hears Suga step closer, can hear the fabric of his boxers swish, but Suga never touches him. Oikawa imagines his hand hanging between them, reaching for him, but it never happens. The dream is wiped away when Suga speaks. 

"Fine." 

Oikawa straightens. His neck aches to turn around and stare at Suga, to ask him why he's giving up so easily. Instead, he snaps his mouth shut and readjusts his grip on the doorknob. He doesn't say anything else. He pulls the door open the rest of the way and closes it behind him, ending their discussion. 

He makes it to the end of his street before he collapses against the side of a building, the pressure behind his eyes back as he cries and tries to hold himself together. No one is around to hear him, or to watch him lose himself. He lets it all out, as much as he dares, before he can muster up the energy to wipe his face and breathe. 

He doesn't want to think about what comes next. Where is he even going to go? Does him walking out mean him and Suga are officially over? Or is this just a temporary break while they both cool off and get their thoughts back on track? 

Eventually, he stands and starts to walk aimlessly. His feet won't stop, and soon he's walked too many blocks to count and still doesn't know what to do. 

He doesn't have any good connections with his coworkers. They back each other up and get things done sure, but he hardly knows any of them. He couldn't ask to stay with someone for a day or two while he figures out what's going to happen. He could stay at the hospital for a night or two, though. Nobody would really notice an extra sleeping doctor. 

A hotel would be better. Food, a bed, a bathroom. He has money saved up for emergencies-- _does this count as an emergency?_ \--so finding a hotel for a decent price shouldn't be too difficult. 

He doesn't think about Suga. He doesn't think about tomorrow. He focuses his mind on finding a hotel with a vacancy, feeling exhaustion sweep over him when he does. He lets it engulf him as he steps up to his room, feeling all the anger and hurt seep off him. He barely manages to strip out of his heavy clothes before he's shutting the lights off and sliding into bed, his body and mind emptying until he feels nothing.


	11. Chapter 11

"Suga? What's wrong?" 

It took two rings for Iwaizumi to answer, and despite it being four in the morning, he sounds alert. 

"I think it's over," Suga whispers, unsure if his voice even reaches Iwaizumi. 

He doesn't even hesitate. "What's over?" 

Suga rolls onto his side, curling his knees into his chest and gripping the phone tighter. 

"Oikawa walked out on me." 

He hears Iwaizumi suck in a breath. Then, "Is that good or bad?" 

He can feel his eyes prick with tears again. He wills them not to fall. "I don't... I don't know. I'm still trying to process it all." he manages, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

Iwaizumi is silent for a moment. Suga takes the pause to shut his eyes and calm down. 

"So... where does that leave us?" Iwaizumi asks. 

"Where do you want it to leave us?" 

"I'm... not sure. I'd like to talk to him again, you know, when he's calmed down. Had some time to process all this." 

"Mm." 

The pair are silent, choosing to muddle in their own thoughts and listen to the other breathe. 

Suga shifts again, uncurling his legs and laying flat on his back, and despite himself, he can feel tears well in his eyes and fall. 

"I'm so sorry," Suga says through his tears. 

"What do you have to be sorry about?" 

"All of this. I hurt you and Tooru so much. And you should have seen how angry he was, Hajime. I just... I don't know what to do." 

Iwaizumi grunts in acknowledgment. Suga waits for Iwaizumi to continue, but he doesn't. 

"This was a mistake," Suga whispers. "I'll call you later." 

Iwaizumi starts to say something, but Suga ends the call before he can hear it. He tucks the phone under the covers, hoping it'll be lost forever. 

His eyes focus on the window next to the bed, imagining Oikawa sitting in front of it again, his back to him while he stared at his hands. Suga wishes he had reached out then. Maybe if he had, Oikawa would still be here and they could talk things over more. They'd sit at their kitchen table with the overhead light on, Suga nursing a cup of coffee and Oikawa fiddling with his phone, neither pair looking at one another. But they would talk. Maybe there would be tears and halted breaths, but they'd still talk. 

Had he really been the one to disappear first? 

Sure he woke up early--there was always something to get done--and yes, after his shift ended at the store he wouldn't come home right away. He always took that time to walk around or catch up with an old classmate or some coworker. He liked to socialize, that's all. 

And yet, one weekend after another, he'd go visit his parents or Daichi, wasting the day away, ignoring the texts and missed calls from Oikawa until he was on his way home. 

Maybe... this really did start with him. He'd wake up whenever Oikawa came home, which was always sometime in the middle of the night. There was nothing to gain from a conversation held half asleep. And in the morning when Suga woke up, Oikawa was sound asleep. By the time he dragged himself home, Oikawa was gone once again. 

And on the rare days Oikawa had off, Suga was usually working, or had plans with someone else. His days off were always sporadic, so Suga gave up waiting for the next Tuesday or Saturday to roll around. 

Suga continues to think over the few months before he met Iwaizumi. All the late nights away and mornings spent elsewhere, realizing he really had been gone a lot. And then when he did meet Iwaizumi... Oikawa had probably noticed the change instantly. 

Suga wipes away even more tears, the guilt overwhelming him until it feels like his chest will explode. 

_I deserve this_ , he thinks, rolling onto his side and curling his knees into him again, his face inches away from Oikawa's pillow. Just faintly, the smell of Oikawa reaches him, a mixture of laundry detergent and something other that tickles his nose and burns his eyes. _I deserve everything that's going to happen._

He keeps his eyes trained on the window, watching as the color lightens, signaling the sun is rising and a new day is starting. But all Suga wants is to turn back time and start over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in case any of you were wondering about my updating process... i'll finish two chs and post the first one, then go and finish the third ch before publishing the second one. make sense? 
> 
> unfortunately! with oisuga week underway that process has been thrown out the window since ch12 isn't done and idk when it will be. but I figured it's been long enough since the last ch was published so here y'all go. once oisuga week is over with tho i'll be back to working on this and finishing it (the end is soon) and hopefully u all don't hate me when that happens :)


	12. Chapter 12

Suga never calls him back. Iwaizumi keeps the phone practically taped to his hand, waiting and hoping for it to ring. 

When Suga told him Oikawa had walked out, Iwaizumi's heart lept with joy. Then the words sunk in. His heart was cemented with guilt as his mind went out to Oikawa, wondering what had happened to his friend. He'd tried to call, but the other never answered. Iwaizumi could take a hint. 

He lets his guilt fill him as he goes about his daily tasks, but he doesn't stop moving. His mind spins with thoughts and feelings, trying to make sense of it all. 

If Suga and Oikawa are officially over, what does that mean for him? What becomes of his relationship with the two? 

He doesn't want to let go of Suga, not unless the other asks him to. And even then he won't give up without a fight. But he also doesn't want to lose Oikawa again. Since their reconciliation almost a month ago, Iwaizumi has once again grown fond of Oikawa's presence. He hates to admit it, but he missed his friend. The first year after their fallout was tough, even if Iwaizumi had been angry about it all, at both himself and Oikawa for dropping such a bomb. Now, with a second chance in reach, he doesn't want to let it escape him. But if it comes between the man he loves and his best friend, how could he choose? 

When his phone rings a few days later, just as he's throwing back the covers and crawling into bed, he sighs and wonders what happened at work. His mind is hazy and really, he doesn't want to talk anymore right now. His clients today did nothing but yell at him as he drove them around. 

But when he sees who it is, his breath hitches and he slowly opens his phone. 

Oikawa speaks first. "I need you to be completely honest with me. Are you still seeing him?" 

For a moment, confusion sweeps over Iwaizumi as he tries to figure out who Oikawa is talking about. And then it clicks. 

_He's talking about Suga._

"I haven't heard from him since you walked out on him," he replies. 

There's a pause. "But you still want to continue your relationship with him." 

"We were together for a year. I can't just forget that." 

"You forgot me." 

Oikawa's voice is low and heavy, and Iwaizumi isn't sure he heard clearly. But the words sink in and Iwaizumi sighs. 

"I never forgot you, idiot. I've missed you like hell ever since that fight we had in high school, and reconnecting over the past month was really great. Besides, I did try over the years to get in touch with you but you always blew me off." 

Oikawa scoffs, but Iwaizumi is on a roll. 

"You want me to be honest? Fine. When Suga told me you walked out on him, I was ecstatic. I thought maybe then we could finally be together exclusively. And then I felt so fucking guilty as I thought of you, wondering what had happened, where'd you'd gone, trying to imagine the pain you must've been in but knowing I wouldn't fully understand. And I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for causing this shitstorm, and if I could take it all back, I would." 

"Why? So you can keep screwing my boyfriend behind my back?" 

"What? No, Jesus, _no_ you idiot. I'd take it all back so you wouldn't be in pain. You're still my friend and I hate that I hurt you again." 

Oikawa doesn't reply. Iwaizumi holds his breath while he waits, wondering if he went too far. And then there's a sigh from the other end, and in a tiny voice, Iwaizumi hears, "Thanks." 

"What for?" 

"For being honest." 

There's a click before Iwaizumi can ask anything else, and Iwaizumi is left listening to the dial tone. 

Slowly, he lowers his phone and closes it, wondering if he said the right thing. He believes what he said though, and he hopes Oikawa knows that. All he can do is hope that things won't end completely. 

~*~*~ 

Two days later Iwaizumi stands in front of a hotel door, desperately trying to calm his racing heart. 

_Nothing to be nervous about. All we're going to do is talk._ As if in response, Iwaizumi's nose throbs. _Hopefully._

Before he can delay any longer, Iwaizumi raises a hand and knocks on the door, hoping no one is inside. But that's a dumb thought, because where else would Oikawa be if not where he said he was? Iwaizumi still can't believe Oikawa called him again and asked if they could meet up. He thought it a little strange that Oikawa gave him directions to a hotel, but he figured it might be better than in a public setting. 

The door opens seconds later, and Iwaizumi is greeted with a dull-eyed Oikawa. He opens the door enough to let Iwaizumi enter, but he's not entirely sure he wants to. 

"You look like shit," he mumbles. Oikawa's lips twitch, but all he does is retreat into the room. 

Iwaizumi steps in and closes the door behind him. The room is frigid. He can already feel goosebumps crawl up his arms. 

Oikawa gingerly takes a seat on the mattress, crossing his legs and sticking his hands into the space between. Iwaizumi looks around some more, noticing the empty water bottles and discarded plastic bags from a retail shop down the road. He takes a seat at the small dining table near the window. 

"Thanks for coming." Oikawa says. The words sound hollow, but Iwaizumi nods anyways. 

"Of course," Iwaizumi clears his throat. "What did-what did you want to talk about?" 

Oikawa fidgets on the bed, not looking at Iwaizumi. 

"How did you forgive him?" 

"Forgive--? Forgive him for what?" 

"When you found out he was already in a relationship. How did you move on?" 

"Ah," Iwiazumi leans back in the chair, crossing his arms across his chest. The answer is simple. "Because I loved him. And I could tell he genuinely loved me." 

Oikawa flinches. Iwaizumi bites the inside of his lip and looks away. 

Iwaizumi continues, recalling the day easily. "Just like you, I was so angry at him. I barely listened to a word he said after that, choosing instead to just leave. But he kept leaving me messages and I could tell he was telling the truth in saying he was sorry, that he did love me. A few weeks went by before I finally caved and saw him in person. He was crying and went on blubbering about how sorry he was. But he admitted that he couldn't leave his current partner, not yet. He loved me, but he also loved you. After a few more days of us talking, I knew I couldn't just let him go." There'd been a lot of talking, and tears on both ends. Iwaizumi blinks his eyes quickly, hating to remember those weeks. His stomach still twists and Suga's revelation, even if he has somewhat accepted it by now. 

"It doesn't really sound like you ever forgave him." 

Iwaizumi shrugs. "I chose to focus on the time we spent together. I forced myself not to think about what he'd be doing when he left my apartment. It worked most days, but every time he left I hated myself for feeling so stuck. I wished he'd just make up his mind already." 

"If... if he called you now, and asked you to move on with him, would you?" 

Iwaizumi finally looks away from the window and at Oikawa. 

_He looks like a child,_ Iwaizumi thinks. He blinks his eyes quickly, hoping the burning tear sensation stops soon. 

"My first thought is yeah, I'd move on with him in a heartbeat. But I just... I can't, not after knowing that the other guy is you, and seeing your reaction to it all. After Suga told me about him still being in a relationship, and my anger faded, I felt so alone. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Couldn't let out all my frustrations and thoughts, so I bottled that shit up and only let out a little bit at a time whenever we discussed the situation. Suga got pretty good at ignoring my pettiness and I got pretty good at ignoring my feelings." 

"How'd you survive it all on your own?" 

Iwaizumi laughs, a short and twisted sound that has Oikawa flinching. 

"I wouldn't say I've survived. I've just accepted that loving Suga causes pain, and I'll take as much as I can handle." 

Oikawa nods his head, a small movement Iwaizumi isn't sure he sees right away. Oikawa uncrosses and crosses his legs again before wiping at his face. 

"No one's as strong as you though," 

Iwaizumi scoffs. "I'd say you still being here, wanting to figure things out and move forward--it makes you pretty strong." 

Oikawa's head shakes. Iwaizumi stands and sits next to him on the bed, close enough that their thighs press against one another. Despite the cold temperature of the room, Oikawa's body heat has Iwaizumi wondering if he's running a fever. 

He wraps an arm around his friend and draws him in closer, knowing this is exactly what he wanted after he found out about Suga. Needing the closeness of a friend who understood, who wouldn't judge him for having fallen for a cheater. 

Eventually Oikawa relaxes against him, his head resting in the crook between Iwaizumi's head and shoulder. 

"I don't even know if I want to forgive him." Oikawa whispers. 

"No one would blame you if you didn't." 

The two sit there for awhile, Iwaizumi never loosening his hold while Oikawa calms himself. When he pulls away, Iwaizumi looks at him expectantly. 

"Thank you," Oikawa says, wiping at his face and sniffling. 

A loud gurgle echoes through the room before Iwaizumi can reply. Oikawa freezes and Iwaizumi watches his friend's face as his eyes widen and cheeks flush. 

Iwaizumi's lips twitch. "Was that what I think it was?" 

Oikawa shakes his head and looks at Iwaizumi, a mortified expression on his face. "I have no idea what you're talking about." he stands from the bed and walks to the window, closing the blinds as a distraction. 

Iwaizumi chuckles. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he figures it wouldn't hurt to have an early dinner. 

"How about this: you clean yourself up and I'll treat us to food somewhere." 

Oikawa shakes his head. "I'm fine here. Room service is excellent." 

"Your wallet will thank you. And beside, it'll be good for you to get out and get some fresh air. Trust me." 

Oikawa glances over his shoulder. Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow while they stare at one another. And then Oikawa blinks and nods slowly. 

"Give me a few minutes." 

~*~*~ 

The diner Iwaizumi picks out is bustling, but not overcrowded. He keeps a reassuring smile on his face whenever he looks at Oikawa, who's shoulders are hunched and eyes constantly darting around, as if waiting for something to jump out at them. 

While waiting to be seated, Iwaizumi bumps Oikawa's shoulder. 

"You can relax, you know. Nothing's going to happen." 

Oikawa doesn't reply, but he slides into the booth the waitress picks out and opens the menu immediately. Iwaizumi keeps his gaze on Oikawa as he slides in opposite him, already knowing what he wants to eat. 

After the waitress takes their drink orders, Iwaizumi folds his arms across the table and stares at Oikawa, who keeps fidgeting while he looks through the menu. 

The booth the waitress seated them at is next to a window, and Iwaizumi has a perfect few of the front door and the people passing by on the sidewalk. His eyes drift from Oikawa to outside, his mouth turning into a slight frown as he wonders what'll happen next. 

He can't babysit Oikawa all the time. He doesn't really mind the idea of checking in and taking him out to distract him, but they both need to work. And move on. 

Oikawa lowers his menu when the waitress comes back with their drinks. He thanks her quietly and Iwaizumi offers a smile. 

"Ready to order?" she asks. 

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow at Oikawa, who gives a shallow nod. She looks expectantly between the two before Iwaizumi orders first, followed by Oikawa, whose voice barely rises above a whisper. 

When she leaves again, Oikawa has his hands under the table, his shoulders bunched up again, his eyes trained out the window. Iwaizumi stares at him for a moment, taking in the dark shadows under his eyes and the crease in his forehead. 

When Oikawa turns to look at him, the crease in his forehead deeping, Iwaizumi just smiles. 

"What's that look for?" Oikawa asks, a defensive edge to his voice. 

Iwaizumi tilts his head before looking out the window, not even sure himself why he's smiling. 

He shrugs and answers, "I'm just feeling good is all." 

Oikawa scoffs, but the crease between his eyes disappears. "Well I'm glad one of us is enjoying themselves." 

"Come on, you must feel at least a _little_ better after getting out of that hotel room. Especially considering how bad it smelled in there." 

"Well _excuse_ me for not having the energy to shower or clean in the wake of a brutal revelation." 

"Alright, alright. Fair enough." 

Oikawa mumbles something under his breath, but Iwaizumi notes the way his shoulders seemed to have relaxed. Oikawa leans back in his seat, his eyes still trained on the people passing by. 

He does feel good, Iwaizumi realizes. Content, almost. The vinyl booth sucks him in in a comfortable way. He can hear laughter and the insistent hum of too many people talking at once. There's the sound of pots and pans banging in the kitchen and the smell of food cooking that has his mouth watering and stomach grumbling. He leans back and spreads his arms across the back of the booth, surprised at how relaxed he feels. 

Oikawa glances at him before quickly looking away. He shrugs. "It does feel nice to get out." 

Iwaizumi smiles, wide enough to show teeth. Oikawa ducks his head. 

Iwaizumi's smile slips as he remembers what has them down. "We'll figure it all out. And you won't be alone. Okay? I'm gonna stick with you on this." 

"We'll see," Oikawa whispers. 

They go back to sitting in silence, only breaking the calm when the waitress comes back a few minutes later with plates full of steaming food. They thank her before digging in, glad to have another distraction. 

When Oikawa takes a bite of his korokke, his eyes close and his lips turn up slightly at the corners. 

Iwaizumi chuckles. "That good, huh?" 

Oikawa glares at him, but there's no heat to it. "I've been eating gross room service noodles for the past few days. This tastes like heaven, so let me enjoy it." 

"By all means," Iwaizumi laughs, and goes back to picking at his tofu. 

As they eat in silence, Iwaizumi notices Oikawa finally relaxing. 

The door chimes open, and like every other time someone has walked in or out, Iwaizumi glances up, eyes passing over the entrance before returning to the window next to him. 

This time though, he does a double take when his eyes recognize the people entering the diner. 

He starts choking on his tofu, the lump of food securely lodged in his throat. Oikawa jerks at the sound, his face instantly showing his concern. 

"You okay?" 

Iwaizumi just nods and thumps his chest, swallowing quickly to help the piece of food slide down. 

The two who just entered the diner are laughing, and a new pain shoots through Iwaizumi's chest. 

The taller of the two sweeps his gaze over the diner, scooping out seats while they wait to be seated. 

They'd never met in person before, but Iwaizumi had seen enough pictures of Sawamura Daichi that he'd recognize him anywhere. 

As Daichi's gaze passes over the diner for a second time, his eyes meet with Iwaizumi's, and for a brief moment, confusion fills his face. And then his smile drops as he recognizes Iwaizumi, too. 

Suga is talking to someone by the door, his back to them all. Iwaizumi glances between them, then settles on Daichi's face. He shakes his head a little, hoping Oikawa won't turn around either. Now that Iwaizumi has stopped choking, Oikawa is nibbling at his food, one eye trained on him while he keeps his main focus out the window. 

Daichi nods. He knows they can't be in here. Iwaizumi doesn't know what Suga told him, but he's assuming Daichi knows what happened. 

Daichi turns to Suga, holding out an arm to shield him from the diner, directing him towards the door. Iwaizumi can see the crestfallen look on Suga's face as he nods at Daichi, accepting whatever the other is saying. 

They're almost out the door and Iwaizumi is just starting to breathe again when Suga decides to cast one last look over the diner. 

Their eyes meet almost instantly. Iwaizumi doesn't move as he watches Suga's body stop turning, his mouth opening in a small 'O' shape. 

Suga glares at Daichi before he removes his arm. Iwaizumi starts shaking his head as Suga walks towards them, a pained, determined expression on his face. 

Iwaizumi wants to jump out of the booth and usher Suga away from them. He thought it'd hurt more at seeing his boyfriend--ex-boyfriend?--but he's more worried about Oikawa seeing him. About ruining Oikawa's elevated mood. He starts shaking his head more vehemently now, hoping Suga will just turn around and leave. 

Suga glances at the back Oikawa's head. The pained look on his face deepens, but he keeps his stride steady, and in seconds, he's standing beside their table. 

Oikawa finally glances away from the window. Iwaizumi's stomach twists as he takes in Suga's appearance, as he watches Oikawa's mouth thin out into a line and his eyes harden. 

_Not exactly the expression I thought he'd make_ , Iwaizumi thinks. 

Suga shifts from foot to foot; he doesn't look Oikawa directly in the eye. The tension between them has Iwaizumi gulping. 

Daichi steps up behind Suga, almost as if he's ready to whisk away his friend at a moment's notice. Iwaizumi stares at Daichi, wondering again what he knows. His expression is stoic, not giving away anything. 

Suga clears his throat. When he speaks, his voice is low, yet Iwaizumi can hear him perfectly, and he knows Oikawa can too. 

"Can we talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HAPPENING
> 
> idk what's gonna happen bUT IT'S HAPPENING :D
> 
> this ch was lit so difficult to write idk how I ever finished :') and the way i'm looking at things... there's at least two chs left :^) enjoy it while it lasts?


	13. Chapter 13

It feels like daggers are piercing his back. 

He keeps his shoulders straight and head pointed forward as he walks out of the diner, Oikawa and Iwaizumi trailing behind him. He doesn't know if Daichi is following, but he hopes he is. Then again, the presence of his friend might ruin everything. 

Suga walks into an alley around the side of the diner, far enough in that people passing by won't hear their conversations. Two pairs of footsteps sound behind him, and he lets out a little breath of air, hoping Daichi isn't too far away. 

He didn't want to contact either of them. He wanted them to contact him after they'd had some time to themselves, to let him know if either of them wanted to continue, to work things out. After a tense conversation with Daichi, Suga realized he couldn't lose either of them, but he'd understand if they didn't want him back. He was willing to work on things, to change. But he had to let them know first. 

When Suga stops, the other two stop. He closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath, and turns around, opening his eyes and hoping the tears won't fall. Oikawa and Iwaizumi stand shoulder to shoulder, their height difference shocking Suga into silence. 

Then he blinks, noticing the open expression on Iwaizumi's face, and the closed one on Oikawa's. 

Before he can delay any longer, he manages to say, "I'm sorry." 

Oikawa's head tilts back, and Iwaizumi blinks. Suga glances between the two, unsure of what to do. His hands clench into fists while he waits. 

Iwaizumi glances at Oikawa, then back at Suga. His lips part, and Suga waits anxiously for whatever he has to say. 

But Oikawa speaks first. 

"Liar." 

Suga's mouth drops open in shock. Iwaizumi takes a step back, his eyes widening. 

"I-I am not! I'm truly sorry I hurt you! Both of you!" Suga shouts, clutching his chest and leaning forward. His eyes are overflowing, and no amount of blinking can stop the tears from falling. Oikawa just stares at him, that angry smugness burning Suga's eyes. 

He glances between the two, finally noticing how distant they are from him. His throat clenches. 

"I'm not lying," Suga repeats, his voice quiet, almost weak. 

Iwaizumi shifts away, his eyes trained on the ground. Oikawa shrugs and splays his hands out before him. 

"How can I believe you? You lied to me for an entire year. How am I--how are _we_ \--to know that there's not more people out there that you're stringing along?" 

Iwaizumi jerks like he's been struck, but he still doesn't look at Suga. Suga stares at Oikawa, wondering how such a thing could be said. 

The desperation at needing to be forgiven wavers, a thread of anger weaving its way to the front. 

"I understand that you can't believe me, but I _am_ telling the truth." 

"I can't trust your word." 

Suga turns to Iwaizumi, pleading with his eyes for backup. But Iwaizumi just shrugs, his eyes darting over everything not Suga. 

"Ask me anything then!" Suga turns back to Oikawa, throwing his arms to the side and hoping Oikawa will take it as an open invitation. 

Oikawa just shakes his head, his anger finally dissolving into something painful. 

"I can't _trust_ you anymore, Koushi, don't you understand that? It won't matter what you say or do, I'm not going to believe it." 

"Then tell me what to do! I'll do anything." 

Oikawa's reply is quick and nonchalant, and Suga wonders how often Oikawa practiced saying it. 

"Would you leave Iwa-chan?" 

It's like all the air in his lungs has been sucked out, leaving him gaping at Oikawa, the smug look back on his face. Iwaizumi is finally looking at him, but his face is void of emotion. 

_That hurts worse_ , Suga thinks. 

He hears coughing from the front of the alley. He glances between Iwaizumi and Oikawa to see Daichi leaning against the left wall at the mouth of the alley, his back to them all. The sight of him has Suga recalling his confession from the other day, how if it came down to it, he wouldn't be able to choose between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Just the thought had sent shooting pains running through his stomach. 

He turns back to the two in front of him, unable to make eye contact. 

"I can't choose," he whispers. 

One of them sucks in a breath, then turns away. Suga looks up and sees Iwaizumi walking towards the entrance of the alley. 

"H-hey--" 

Halfway to the opening, Iwaizumi spins around, his voice loud enough it seems to echo around them. "I can't do this anymore, Suga. I can't keep holding my breath waiting for you to pick one of us!" 

Suga doesn't think he's seen so much anguish on one person's face. 

Iwaizumi continues, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I'm so tired of hating it when you leave, or feeling disgusted with myself that I'm still with you, despite knowing you're in another relationship. I hate _hating_ the other person you're going home to, even though I'd never met them!" his voice chokes 

off. Oikawa stares at the ground, his jaw clenched. Suga can't take his eyes off Iwaizumi, wondering how he'd never known how much Iwaizumi felt. "I love you so much it physically pains me at times, and I just... I can't keep doing this. I can't keep waiting for you to pick one of us, to finally make up your mind. I-I'm done." 

Iwaizumi's shoulders slump, and his cries echo around them. A knife twists itself in Suga's stomach. He feels like he's going to be sick. 

Out of nowhere, Daichi is beside Iwaizumi, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder. Suga watches his lips move as he whispers to Iwaizumi, but the sound doesn't reach him. Without warning, the two turn away and leave Suga and Oikawa alone. 

Suga watches their forms disappear into the passing crowd, unsure of what just happened. 

Oikawa clears his throat. Suga jerks to face him. 

"I'm... still hurt over something that happened between me and Iwa-chan in high school. I wouldn't have been able to stay with you if you had chosen him, even as a friend." he clears his throat again. Suga feels his eyes burn again. "Even at our lowest though, he and I never lied to one another. It's why I can trust him, even now. Maybe... someday I'll be able to trust you again. But as of now, I can't even forgive you, let alone love you." 

Oikawa finally looks at Suga. His eyes shine with unshed tears, but there's no more anger, no more smugness. It takes a moment, but Suga realizes what the look is. 

He's empty. 

"I understand." 

Oikawa blinks. Suga gulps. 

"I am sorry, about all of it. But I understand. And I do hope one day you'll be able to forgive me." 

Oikawa's head tilts back. Somehow, Suga manages to smile. It hurts. 

"I wish you luck, Tooru. For better things to come." 

He doesn't wait to see what emotion passes over Oikawa's face. He steps past the other man and exits the alley, turning left. 

It's over. He couldn't choose so they chose for him. 

Everything in him aches. The pain in his stomach is back. There's a tingling sensation swimming through his hands and toes. His head feels light and fuzzy, as if he closes his eyes he'll collapse and never get up again. 

But he manages to walk a straight line all the way to the nearest bus stop, and he manages to ride the bus with a straight face all the way to his apartment. He manages to make it through his front door, and even when the silence surrounds him, he still doesn't collapse. His body moves through the motions as he takes off his shoes and turns on a few lights, his mind half wondering what he should eat since he and Daichi never ate at the diner. 

Everything hurts. A pressure builds up behind his eyes, but he still doesn't cry, still doesn't break down. As he prepares a small dinner, he idly moves things around to be packed up. This is Oikawa's apartment, after all. A text to Daichi in a day or two to let the other know Oikawa can move back in should help things a little, he thinks. He'll stay at a motel until he's able to find another place to live, knowing he doesn't have the right to live here anymore. If Oikawa doesn't want to stay here in the end as well, that's just as fine. 

His mind churns over what happened in the alley. He wasn't lying when he said he said goodbye to Oikawa. The need to be forgiven is still there, but he finally understands. He has to swallow the lump in his throat, knowing he's the reason why so much pain was inflicted today, and how none of it might be forgive. He's not okay with that, but he understands. 

Suga just hopes the others will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnd it's done :D
> 
> jk there's one more ch left :p hopefully y'all can bear with me for just a bit longer? 
> 
> also i just wanna say that i am so appreciative of those who've left comments and kudos and who've been following this for so long. i'm sorry i'm absolutely terrible at replying to the comments; y'all r just so nice that all i can do is stare at them and gush :') 
> 
> once this story is finished i'm going to try and finish an iwaoi story i started a few months ago (rip) annnd if any of you have been reading 'tooru gone' I AM ALSO SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. pls. . . don't hold ur breath over it. . . Better Things will happen before that one gets updated again. there's a few other things I've started but most of them will be one shots. i don't think i'll do another multi ch story again for awhile bc man, this was rly draining. buuut that could also change :^)
> 
> again just. ty all sosososo much ♥♥♥


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END IS HERE!!!
> 
> no more cheating au after this :^) 
> 
> more notes at the end but for now, enjoy the story :p

"Please tell me there's a reason you dragged me halfway across the city at seven in the morning." 

"I uh, like your company?" 

Oikawa snorts. "Nice try." He steps past Daichi and into the warm café, waiting just past the door for the other man. They make their way to the counter. 

"Early birthday present?" 

"Your birthday isn't for another few months." 

"Can't we just... hang out, without me having an ulterior motive?" 

"So you admit there's an ulterior motive." 

"What? No," Daichi looks away while Oikawa shakes his head and places an order for a plain black coffee. When they get their orders, they find a table by the windows and sit down, Daichi still not looking at Oikawa. 

"Just spit it out already," Oikawa sighs. "I want to go back home and go back to bed." 

Daichi shifts in his chair nervously. 

"Okay then, two things." 

"Seriously?" 

"You're probably not going to like either of them." 

"Oh God," Oikawa puts his face in his hands while he waits for Daichi to continue, hating the fact that his friend likes to drag things out. 

"The lesser of the two evils," Daichi starts, pausing to take a sip from his coffee. Oikawa's nails dig into his scalp. "Iwa and I are going to move in together." 

The sound around Oikawa drains away as Daichi's words sink in. Move in together? 

He unclenches his hands and looks through his fingers at Daichi. 

Lowering his hands, he whispers, "What does that mean for me?" 

"The lease is almost up on your apartment, right?" Oikawa nods. "We were uh, thinking, Iwa would move in with me. That way you don't have to worry about moving again." 

Oikawa tilts his head to the side, staring at Daichi. His friend--after all these years of knowing Daichi, it took two of him dating Iwaizumi for Oikawa to consider him a friend--still won't look at him, his lips drawn into a thin line while he lets his words hang between them. 

Leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, Oikawa starts to nod. "Okay," he breathes out. "I can live with that. It'll be nice to not come home to a sock on the door." Daichi chokes on his coffee. Oikawa smirks. "What's the other thing I'm not going to like?" 

Daichi pounds on his chest and coughs, looking more flustered than before. 

When he calms down, he lets out a slow breath, places his coffee on the table, and looks up at Oikawa. 

He doesn't waste time. "I talked to Suga the other day. He's back in town and wants to see you." 

Daichi breathes out again, slumping back against his chair as if a weight had been holding him up since. Oikawa just watches him, his arms folded across his chest still while he waits, feeling his heart thump against his chest, the blood rushing through his ears, the air passing through his nose as he tries to focus on his breathing. His left eye twitches, right in the corner, and it's enough of an irritation that he uncrosses his arms and places his hands over his face, digging the palms of his hands into his eyes. 

Somehow, Oikawa manages to laugh. "Oh wow," he whispers. 

"I told him it was completely up to you and that I'd break it to you gently--" Oikawa laughs again, louder. He can feel his hands start to shake as he leans over the table, his hands still covering his face. 

It feels like his entire body is shaking. His chest aches and he doesn't feel like he's getting enough air. Who knew the thought of Suga coming back into his life would cause him to feel so anxious? He never kept in contact with Suga after their little break up--in a freaking alley--so it was up to Daichi to be the messenger. There'd been phone calls and text messages, then Suga had left the city, just over a year ago, and that's when Daichi had last heard from him. Oikawa had been perfectly fine with that. Things went by much more smoothly without Suga in their life. 

"I'm sorry, Oikawa, for dropping this on you. I just didn't know what to do and I didn't want to lie--" 

Oikawa waves a hand at Daichi, another laugh bubbling up his throat. He lowers his head until he can rest his cheek on the table, letting the cool surface calm him. "It's not your fault," he manages. He stares at the rest of the small café, at people enjoying their time and their coffee. Oikawa thinks this'll be the last time he comes to a café. Nothing good happens at them. 

He raises his head from the table and looks at Daichi. "Is that really what he wanted?" 

Taken aback, Daichi leans away and coughs. "Yeah. He made it pretty clear he just wants to see you. He didn't say why though." 

_Probably to make up some bullshit apology again_ , Oikawa muses to himself. 

The events of the alley still hurt Oikawa's head sometimes. The harshness to Iwaizumi's confession, the desperation in Suga's voice, Oikawa's own emptiness. He tried, for awhile, to only remember the good times he had with Suga. After all, they'd been together for years, so the good times had to outweigh the bad, right? 

But every time he thought of Suga, a headache formed and all he could think about was the fact that the person he loved most in the world had betrayed him. Everything was pain when it came to Suga, and Oikawa eventually learned to block the pain. Block the pain, block the memories, forget the person. 

"Did you and Iwa-chan ever talk about what happened?" 

"Uh, well, I knew most of it from Suga, when we used to keep in touch." Oikawa flinches. After a tell-all between him, Daichi, and Iwaizumi, it was made clear Daichi had known that Suga was cheating, but 

chose to stay out of it. He hadn't been happy about not being able to tell Oikawa or Iwaizumi, but after a few more days of talking, things were smoothed over. "But yeah, we talked about it. He cried for an hour straight one night. Don't tell him I told you that." 

"Lips sealed," Oikawa mumbles. His eyes stay trained on a woman with a baby still in its carrier. She cooes at the child, her face pulling into a warm smile. Oikawa straightens, his back protesting and cheek sore. 

Daichi shrugs. "It was really good for him that you stuck around. Actually, I think it was good for both of you to be back together. 

Oikawa snorts and throws a smirk at Daichi, but the playfulness quickly fades. "If you were me would you meet up with him?" 

Daichi narrows his eyes and turns away. "I'm not sure--" 

"Figures." 

"Hey, hear me out." Oikawa spreads his hands out in front of him, gesturing for Daichi to continue. Daichi nods. "I... think I would. Time has passed and we've all gotten back on our feet. Him leaving the city made moving on easier. Now, I wasn't as hurt by him in any way, but when I got to know Iwaizumi, I was so... disappointed in Suga. How could he do such a horrible thing to this amazing guy? How could he live with himself knowing he was causing him pain?" 

Oikawa gulps and looks away, his face burning. Daichi sucks in a breath and continues. 

"But as Iwa got better, my anger and disappointed started to fade. Suga wasn't here anymore. Iwaizumi was getting better, so why hold onto the past?" 

Oikawa knows it's a rhetorical question, but he answers anyways. "Keeps you on your toes." Daichi smiles at him, but it's not his usual eye crinkling smile. 

"You'd think so, but I've come to realize it just drags you down." 

"Oh?" 

"You'd be surprised at how often Iwaizumi and I talk about what happened. He went from anguished to bitter to just plain empty. It took months for him to get over Suga. But he did. I don't think he's forgiven Suga, but he doesn't hold a grudge anymore. He's come to terms that nothing is going to work out between them, and he's choosing to move on instead of holding on to anything between them." 

Oikawa slumps over the table again, rubbing at his face. "It's not that simple for me, Dai-chan." 

Daichi sighs. "I know. That's why I think you should still see him. Get a bit of closure and all that." 

Oikawa moans, and Daichi chuckles at the sound. Then Oikawa hears him slurping down the last of his coffee. 

"Listen, I brought you out here because Suga's in the area. I know it's a low blow, but I didn't know what else to do." Oikawa moans again and lowers his head to the table, wrapping his arms around his head to block out Daichi. He continues as if Oikawa isn't trying to ignore him. "I can text him right now for you 

two to meet up, or me and you can leave and go do something else, and I'll tell Suga you said no. He's leaving the city tonight, so there won't be a lot of time to decide." 

"Did he ever say why he came back?" 

"Not really. Just to finish some things, I think." 

"Of course. Does Iwa know he's back?" 

"Not that I know of." 

Oikawa forces out a laugh. "Perfect." 

Daichi shrugs but doesn't reply. They sit in silence, Daichi leaning back with his hands clenched in his lap, eyes trained out the window, and Oikawa with his head resting on his arms, watching the café, his mind tumbling over whether or not he should give in. The mother is gone, replaced with a squadron of loudly whispering teen girls in their school uniforms, their laughs and small shouts washing over other conversations. 

Oikawa sighs. "I don't know what to do." 

"I won't force you to see him. And like I said, we can leave if you want and go do something else." 

Oikawa sits up and picks up his coffee, but the drink has gone cold and forms a pit in his stomach. "Going back to bed would be nice." 

"We can leave right now." 

Oikawa stares into his coffee, the black liquid showing his reflection. 

He really should go home. He's done with Suga! There's nothing to salvage and even if there was, how could Oikawa ever trust him again? You don't just move past your partner lying and cheating on you. You just don't. 

Daichi drums his fingers on the countertop. Oikawa stares at his hands, his mind following the inconsistent beat. 

"Fuck everything," he whines, closing his eyes and rubbing his face again. 

"Really?" 

"I must love suffering." 

"Do you, uh, want him to come here? Or do you want to go to him?" 

"How about a neutral location." 

"There's a park a couple blocks from here?" 

Oikawa nods and waves a hand at Daichi. 

"I'll be right back then." Daichi stands and leaves the café, already pulling out his phone. 

_I'm a masochist. I have to be. It's the only reason why I would agree to this._

Daichi comes back in a minute later, a smile on his face. 

"He'll be there soon," he says. Oikawa glares and nods, sitting up straight again. 

"I guess we should get going then." 

They leave the café and walk towards the park, Oikawa's body stiff with anticipation. Daichi seems almost relaxed as he swings his arms while they walk, but Oikawa doesn't ask why. He's angry at himself, but mostly, he's scared. Scared old feelings might return, both positive and negative. That maybe he'll say something he'll regret for the rest of his life, or that Suga might say something to destroy him again. So many things could go wrong. 

They reach the park and stand side by side as they search the place looking to see if Suga has already arrived. 

Oikawa spots him on the swings, his back to them as he drags his feet in the sand. Oikawa reaches over and grips Daichi's arm, drawing his attention to the swings with a pointed finger. 

Daichi's head jerks up and down when his gaze focuses on Suga. "Okay. Glad to see he's here. Goodbye." Daichi quickly loosens Oikawa's fingers from around his arm and backs away. 

"Wait! You're leaving me here?" 

"I'm not the one who needs closure. Have fun." 

Oikawa starts to go after Daichi, his heart hammering against his ribs as he thinks about being left alone with Suga. But Daichi is already jogging away, out of reach and earshot. Oikawa stares after him, wondering why they're even friends. 

"What an asshole," he mutters to himself, slowly turning back towards the swings. 

Suga has his head bowed as he rocks himself on the swing, his arms slung around the chains and gripping each other in front of him. Oikawa can't see his face, just his slim back and his silver-topped head. 

Oikawa gulps. _It's now or never,_ he thinks. 

Crossing the park feels like he's walking towards his execution. He can't breathe, his hands won't stop shaking, and all he can see is Suga's back, looming ever closer. 

When he finally reaches the swings, he almost decides to clear his throat and have Suga turn around. But instead, he sits in the swing next to Suga and starts to push himself into the air. 

Suga startles, a small gasp escaping as he sees Oikawa moving. And then he sighs and slumps against one of the chains. 

"You're here," he whispers. 

Oikawa nods, pushing himself back a little further then letting go, kicking his legs out in front of him before bringing them back under him to keep his momentum going. He can't remember the last time he sat on a swing, but the motion doesn't feel foreign. 

"Hurry up and tell me what it is you came here to say. I want to go back home." 

"Oh, uh," Suga shrugs, then shifts until he can plant his feet beneath him and start to take a step back, readying to push himself into the air. "I... mostly just wanted to see how you were doing." 

Oikawa chokes on a laugh. "Seriously?" 

"Yeah?" 

Oikawa immediately plants his feet in the sand, kicking up dust before he stands from the swing and turns to face Suga, anger clouding his face. 

"What gives you the right to want to check up on me? You lost all care privileges the minute you cheated on me." 

Suga bows his head, looking almost sheepish. "I know. I know I shouldn't even be here--" 

"Then why are you?" Oikawa interrupts. 

"Aren't I allowed to miss you? Aren't I allowed to curse myself for how I acted, wishing I could go back in time and fix things? Can't I apologize? Sincerely this time?" 

Oikawa leans away, his face heating up again as he clenches his jaw. He spins on his heel and walks towards the park entrance, realizing this was a mistake and not wanting to deal with Suga's shit anymore. 

"Wait!" Suga follows him. Of course. Oikawa keeps his gaze forward as he keeps walking. Suga is beside him in seconds, but doesn't try to stop him. "I'm not asking for your forgiveness here, okay? I know I don't deserve it, and I'm not asking anything of you. I just wanted to see you one more time before I leave again! That's it! And I need you to know I really am sorry, Tooru, about everything. I'm sorry I fucked up so badly, and I _hope_ you can forgive me, but I'm not expecting it. That's all." 

Suga rushes to catch his breath, his little speech tugging at something in Oikawa's chest. But he blinks away the hope and keeps moving, not daring to look to the side. 

But this time, there's none of the desperation in Suga's voice Oikawa had heard in the alley. Just honesty. It makes Oikawa want to laugh, but he's still so pissed at himself for agreeing to come that all he can do is focus on walking and not exploding. 

"Aren't you going to say something?" there's an edge to Suga's voice that has Oikawa's resolve wavering. His eyes cut to the side. He's met with glaring hazel eyes, and for some reason, the sight of an angry Suga has Oikawa's lips twitching. Suga's anger just rises. "Is this a joke to you? Do you really not want to work things out?" 

Oikawa stops walking and laughs. Suga's shoulders stiffen. 

"You really have no right to ask such a thing," Oikawa says between laughs, finding it all hilarious. When he's able to catch his breath, even wiping at his eyes, his gaze refocuses on Suga. The sight of him bristling like a startled cat almost sends Oikawa into a fit again. "You remember you're the one who ruined everything, right?" 

Suga's shoulders hitch up even more, his eyes darting to the side as he answers, "I know but still--" 

"There is no 'but still'." the laughter is gone immediately. Oikawa lowers his hands to his sides as he towers over Suga, his anger returning. "Everything that's happened is on _you._ Iwaizumi and I have moved on, and we're all perfectly happy without you around." Suga flinches at the words, and even Oikawa has to wonder if he's being too harsh. But he doesn't stop. "There's no lying, there's no sneaking around. We're all _honest_ with each other, and it is _such_ a _relief_ to be surrounded by people I can completely and utterly **trust**." 

Oikawa clenches his jaw shut, his chest tight with some emotion he can't name. 

Suga's face is red and his eyes are screwed shut, his lips drawn into a thin line. Oikawa recognizes it as the face he makes when he's beyond upset. 

"I don't know what you were expecting by asking to meet me today," Oikawa whispers, letting his anger recede. Suga's body jerks at the sound, but he still doesn't open his eyes. "But things are better now. Iwaizumi doesn't dream about you anymore and he and Daichi are happy together. You coming back could ruin all that. Things now are just... simple. And I prefer it that way. I'd prefer to keep it that way." 

"I know that," Suga says, almost bitterly. Oikawa raises an eyebrow at his voice. "I know things are better with me gone, and I'm glad you're all doing great." he pauses to inhale deeply. He opens his eyes and looks up at Oikawa. "I'm leaving Japan and I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I had to see you one last time—even if you hated me—and just, say I'm sorry. Again." 

Oikawa feels something in him unravel as Suga stares at him with such intensity. He opens his mouth, unsure of what to say. Then he finds the right words, not realizing their truth until spoken out loud. 

"I don't hate you." Suga's eyes widen slightly. Oikawa sighs and turns away. "I'm pissed, feeling like I'm falling into a trap by just talking to you right now, like things will repeat themselves and I'll end up a shriveled husk in some dank motel room again." 

"That won't happen." 

"You don't know that." 

Suga tilts his head to the left and shrugs his shoulder. "You're right. I don't." 

The pair are silent. Oikawa takes a moment to glance around the park, noting that more people have arrived to start their day. His hands clench into fists, and he steels himself, hoping passersby won't stop and stare at him, or question what the pair are up to. He turns back to Suga, his resolve crumbling as he takes in the wide eyes and earnest expression. 

Suga breaks the silence first. "You know why I couldn't chose between you and Hajime?" 

Oikawa goes to shake his head at the question, feeling his body tilt away while he waits, a pressure building up in his chest. A tremor starts in his right hand. 

Suga runs a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. Oikawa watches the movement, his eyes following the strands that fall back against his forehead. 

"He was new and exciting, and for the first time in a long time, he made me feel loved again. But you... you we--" 

"Stop," Oikawa chokes out, shutting his eyes in hopes it'll stop the pressure from escaping, the pressure filling his chest and head. The honesty in Suga's voice seems to echo around him. 

"But--" 

" _No._ " Oikawa opens his eyes. The sight of Suga staring at him with a worried expression on his face has Oikawa's breathing speeding up. "I can tell by the tone of your voice that whatever you were about to say was meant to be sweet, but you don't have that right. You really fucked me up Koushi!" Oikawa's hands are thrown into the air, unable to stop the shout. Suga's eyes widen and he takes a step back. Oikawa knows by talking that the pressure is escaping, but anything feels better than keeping it bottled up. "Just the _idea_ of someone getting close to me again has me so paranoid that they'll cheat on me. I can't talk to _anyone_ unless I absolutely have to, and even then, my mind is constantly running through scenarios of them hurting me." 

Oikawa can't get his breathing under control. He spins away from Suga and runs his hands through his hair, tightening his fingers around his head. _This is bad._

"I doubt Dai-chan ever mentioned I even had to leave the hospital." Oikawa sputters out a laugh, his feet propelling him in circles. "I was so messed up over everything that I kept missing work, and on the days I did manage to show up, my patients kept dying!" he laughs again and stops moving, his focus on trying to breathe again. "I c-couldn't save anyone. They all just—just kept dying--" 

_I can't breathe._ His nails start to dig into his scalp, and the pain helps distract him enough to catch some air. 

"Hey--" Suga reaches forward to lay a hand on Oikawa's shoulder, but Oikawa jerks away. 

"Don't touch me!" 

_I can't breathe._ He starts to walk away--because anywhere is better than here—but he trips a few feet away, his lungs protesting and hands shaking. He stops and puts one hand to his chest and one to his head, closing his eyes and hoping the attack will pass soon. 

_I can't breathe!_

"Hey!" Suga rushes forward, but when Oikawa jerks away again, Suga doesn't budge an inch. Oikawa manages to open his eyes a crack and glance down at Suga. The determined expression on his face has what little is left of Oikawa's breath hitching. "Right now I'm not the one hurting you Tooru. Please just let me help." 

Oikawa doesn't so much as nod as let his head flop towards his chest, his eyes falling shut again as his head becomes light. 

Suga places a tentative but firm hand on his shoulder, the grip becoming more familiar the longer it's there. 

"Come on, sit down on the ground. Head between your knees." Suga applies pressure to Oikawa's shoulder, urging him to the ground. Oikawa almost collapses. Everything he taught himself to help him in moments like this is completely gone. Everything he and Iwaizumi went over is gone. 

Suga helps Oikawa position himself with his knees drawn to his chest, helping him move his hands from his scalp to cover his ears. Suga wastes no time in sitting next to him and wrapping one arm around Oikawa's knees and the other around his back, his forehead pressing into Oikawa's shoulder. 

Almost like he's underwater, Oikawa can just barely hear Suga's voice. 

"Shh," he starts. "Everything's alright Tooru. You're alright. Everything is okay." 

The words repeat themselves but Oikawa can't comprehend them. How would Suga know everything is going to be alright? He can't breathe! His chest is screaming at him and his head feels like a hundred pound weight on his neck, teetering back and forth while he tries to breathe in and out through his mouth. In the back of his mind he knows that's the wrong way to do it, that there's another, better, way to steady his breathing. But right now he can't remember it. 

_I miss Iwa._

His eyes start to burn, and he clenches his jaw so he doesn't cry. But that restricts his breathing even more and he's left gasping for air. 

The last time it was this bad, Oikawa'd been so worried over the whereabouts of Iwaizumi and Daichi that he ended up passing out on the kitchen floor. Iwaizumi and Daichi found him hours later, and the two didn't leave his side for days. It'd been humiliating, and Oikawa felt guilty over it, but the two reassured him that they didn't mind and would be there for him so it didn't happen again. And it didn't. They worked things out and Oikawa went months without having a panic attack. 

A tapping starts on his arm. It's featherlight and Oikawa isn't sure he's feeling anything at first, until it repeats. And repeats again. The pattern starts to distinguish itself in Oikawa's mind, and it doesn't take him long to realize what Suga is doing. It's only eight taps, with one break after the first and fifth tap. 

He can't remember the last time Suga tapped out _I love you_ on his skin. 

Oikawa gulps, opens his eyes, and uncurls his fingers from around his ears. He straightens his back slowly, realizing his breathing is finally settling down. Suga's arms slacken until Oikawa has pulled away enough that he lets go altogether. Suga scoots away, not looking at Oikawa. 

Oikawa sucks in a breath, letting himself adjust to lungs full of air again. He breathes out slowly, then in, then out, reorientating himself before he clears his throat. 

"Thank you," Oikawa finds himself mumbling, unable to mention the tappig. He moves his knees so he's sitting cross legged. He shoves his hands in the space between and turns to look at Suga. 

"Since when do you get panic attacks?" he asks. 

Oikawa's face heats up. He looks away and stares off across the park. Some people glance at them, and Oikawa can feel his heart skip a beat, but it's never more than a cursory glance. 

"It started last year," Oikawa whispers. "A couple months after we broke up. It'd been a long day at work and I just... broke down. In the middle of the lobby." 

"I'm sorry," 

"Please," Oikawa says, closing his eyes to stop them from burning. "stop saying you're sorry. It's all you've said and I'm sick of hearing it." 

"Sor--" Suga cuts himself off and coughs. "I thought you said things were better." 

Oikawa scoffs. "Oh, they are better. No more waiting up at night for you to come home, no more worrying about what you're doing. Just—no more _you._ It simplified a lot of things." 

"Well then," Suga shifts away uncomfortably, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping an arm around them. 

Oikawa turns to face Suga, wanting the other to see clearly how hurt he is. "What'd you expect? You caused all of us pain and you think we're going to be a mess without you around? That'd we miss you?" 

Suga doesn't answer, his face shadowed and troubled looking. 

Oikawa continues, his voice softer. "We did miss you. We missed you, cursed you, wished for you, then moved on." he pauses, turning away from Suga and staring out at the park. The sun is warm on his back. There are birds chirping and kids laughing. It's a good day to be in a park. "Iwa had it better. He had Daichi. Their relationship started off slow but soon it became clear that they really care for one another. They're happy, and every day it gets better for them." 

"But what about you?" 

Scoffing, Oikawa shrugs. "I'm still figuring things out." 

The two sit in silence. Oikawa watches the people around them, even having to nod and give tight-lipped smiles at those that stare at him with curious expressions. 

"Listen," Suga starts. Oikawa glances over at him. "If you don't want to work things out, don't want to see me ever again, say so and I'll be gone. But," he sucks in a breath. Oikawa steels himself for whatever is coming next. "I would... really like to not disappear from your life. I know I screwed up and there's no changing that. We don't even have to be friends! I just... _really_ , really miss you Tooru. That's never going to change." 

Suga's eyebrows rise up in a silent question, gleaming with determination and resignation, finally understanding that things won't be the same. Oikawa can feel his shoulders slump. 

"So basically you want a fresh start." 

Suga's head bobs. "Completely new fresh start. Clean slate, and all that." 

Oikawa scoffs and turns away. 

_I'm tired._

The anger is completely gone. He knows, and Suga now knows too, that things will never be the same. There's a part of him that's urging him to get up and walk away, telling him that history will repeat itself and he'll get hurt even more. But he also knows that he'll never give in and date Suga again, no matter how well their friendship turns out. 

Oikawa doesn't hate the idea of being friends again. He's tired of fighting, and he wants to move on, completely. He can feel his body start to loosen, his arms moving from his legs to the grass behind him, his shoulders pulling back as he leans on his hands. He tilts his head to stare at Suga, the other man still poised in an up-tight position. 

Oikawa clucks his tongue and shakes his head, but his lips twitch. 

Suga sees something in Oikawa's expression, and his face lights up with relief, before a mischievous glint takes over seconds later. 

Suga's body relaxes, and he sticks a hand out towards Oikawa. 

"Hi. I'm Sugawara." 

Despite himself, Oikawa smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOO O O that's it and hopefully u all enjoyed it :D
> 
> and just. ty all **so so much** for reading this story and sticking around till the end, it _rlyy_ means a lot, esp since when I started this story, I never imagined it'd get this far. 
> 
> special thanks to these two [cool](http://nbkenmas.tumblr.com/) [cats](http://eccentric-king.tumblr.com/) for putting up with all my shit throughout this piece. and an extra high five to [this girl](http://multimichu.tumblr.com/) for all our au convos the past few days and giving me the extra push I needed to finish this story. u should congratulate 'em.
> 
> now! i'm lit always available at my [tumblr](http://alienoinkawa.tumblr.com/) and always open for discussion about either me and my horrible writing or just ideas in general ok buuuut I now have a ~~currently empty~~ [side blog](http://sidetooru.tumblr.com/) that's going to have all my aus and hcs and story links. if u ever want an update on something, check there!
> 
> and that's it! idk when my next piece will be out since i'm working now and have no energy to do anything except watch the food network but with all the aus I have compiled i'm sure something will be out soon :o eventually. hopefully.
> 
> stay tuned!


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